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🙂 Greetings to all subscribers and visitors of the site! What should be the relationship between grandmothers and grandchildren? Let’s talk about it: let’s look at the main problems and watch a video on the topic.
They say that grandmothers love their grandchildren even more than their children. Parents are always in a hurry somewhere, can get annoyed and take off on children, and often do not pay attention to them at all. Grandmothers are calmer and more balanced, they have a lot of free time, they have life experience, they have nowhere to rush.
They are ready to take care of children 24 hours a day. However, this concern also has the other side of the coin – such love often develops into overprotectiveness and total control. As a result, conflicts may occur with the child’s parents and grandchildren.
What is the right way to build relationships between grandmothers and grandchildren, so that it is beneficial, and not discord in the family? The advice of psychologists will first of all be useful to the grandmothers themselves, because in modern society the methods of raising children are far from the same as they were 50 years ago.
The older generation is brought up differently, so it is difficult for them to accept new models of relationships. In any relationship, it is important to find a middle ground. Psychologists identify five main problems that almost all families face.
Grandson and grandmother
Grandmothers and grandchildren: main problems
Excessive custody
Often, the grandmother surrounds the child with care so much that he cannot even take a step on his own. When she goes out for a walk, she puts on several pants and sweaters on him, and does not let her go anywhere. She is afraid that her granddaughters will get dirty or break her knees. God forbid, someone will steal him until she holds his hand.
Such fears are greatly exaggerated. It is worth worrying only when the child is in real danger. But you do not need to prevent him from playing peacefully on the playground, because excessive control will not lead to anything good.
Constant indulgence of children’s whims
Often after the summer holidays with the grandmother, parents notice that the child becomes aggressive. He does not obey, demands too much, “shows character” if mom and dad do not fulfill his desires. And this is not surprising, because the grandmother permits everything to her grandchildren, thus trying to please them.
From such children, egoists can grow up, who are used to receiving everything and always. A little person develops a stereotype that he can do anything with his grandmother, she ceases to be an authority for him. Hence – neglect and boorish attitude in adolescence.
Money and gifts
Grannies do not regret anything for their grandchildren. They believe that they are obliged to give the latter to their children at their own expense. But when they are old and weak, the grandchildren will remember their kindness and respond with the same selfless care. However, excessive “coaxing” with material goods can backfire.
If the child is constantly given what he likes, then soon he will cease to respect the grandmother and will look at her only as an object of profit. Of course, grandchildren need to give gifts for birthdays and holidays, but giving money every time you visit is a bad practice.
Parenting model
Attempts to bring up grandchildren the way they were brought up themselves. The older generation may not like too liberal education of young people, but extremely conservative methods are also not acceptable for modern children. Parents and grandmothers need to find together the ideal parenting model that would suit everyone.
It is important to understand here that for a child, the number one should always be the father and mother. The role of older people is to help children take care of their grandchildren, not to take full responsibility for them.
Criticism of parents in the presence of a grandson
Many people like to analyze the shortcomings of their children in order to show their grandchild how not to act. Sometimes they openly and harshly criticize their parents, but they themselves appear in a very “correct” way.
The child begins to compare his grandmother and his mother, which provokes an internal conflict. It is extremely rare that he can side with his grandmother. Most likely, he will take offense at her for criticizing her parents. Subsequently, his soul will be torn apart by a hidden resentment.
Tips for grandmothers
Of course, parents should listen to the advice of older people, but only mom and dad can decide how to bring up their children. In the life of grandchildren, grandmother plays a second role, but being number two does not mean being worse.
The grandmothers’ job is to show kindness and compassion, not annoyance and aggression. You can’t sort things out with a daughter or son in front of a child. Such situations can cause serious harm to the child’s psyche.
If the grandmother’s upbringing methods are radically different from the views of the parents, this will lead to the fact that the latter will limit communication with the grandchild to a minimum. Therefore, it is important to find a consensus first of all with your children.
You should be wiser and not wait for your daughter or son to take the first step. Become more modern, discard overly strict judgments and old-fashioned generalizations. Help your grandchildren only when they really need your help.
Video on our topic
There are many useful tips here, take a look, it may come in handy ↓
🙂 Dear grandmothers and parents, share your life experience on the topic “Relations between grandmothers and grandchildren”.