Once you could lie side by side and dream with pleasure, looking at the high sky together, but today it is difficult for you to talk even on everyday topics. Previously, you loved to walk holding hands, but today you don’t want to think about kissing him or her … Relationships sometimes go wrong, but you have a common home, have children, and it seems silly to disperse …
If your relationship has bothered you in your couple, but you believe that your crooked relationship can be corrected, and, moreover, you want to correct it, then the following recommendations will help you. They are not fiction, they are developed in practice. They have been tested, they work, but only for intelligent people who have developed and tested them on their own experience. And, most importantly, these are not abstract recommendations, but clear and working instructions.
Interested to try? Please, we will be glad!
First: humor on a partner is prohibited. Humor on the situation is fine, humor on yourself is welcome, the humor “We are funny” is already more careful, and the humor “You are funny” is better to stop at least temporarily. Dangerously. Restore the relationship — return this joy to yourself, but for now, do not risk it.
Second: we work out the internal Good, for which, first of all, we follow our face. If the face is a little bit going into tense or dissatisfied wrinkles, we put a patch on the forehead. If the partner noticed tension or discontent, he does not criticize, but waves his hand to us. And we agreed that this is a sign, and now we need to say “Good!” with a partner in a satisfied voice and face.
Third: we agree on criticism. Namely, we agree that we do not criticize each other, and criticism of each other is forbidden here. At the same time, we take into account that we are not perfect, we understand that criticism will still break through, and therefore we accept the paradoxical rule: “Criticism is prohibited, but we do not criticize for violation of this, that is, for criticism that has been addressed to us” .
And then what to do, how to reduce criticism?
This is already point four: everyone follows his own criticism. Namely, each writes down the moments when he wanted to criticize his partner, and notes how many times he restrained himself. The recommended rate is 50%, that is, you need to restrain yourself in half the cases. Once they allowed themselves criticism, another time they restrained their desire to criticize, they kept their criticism to themselves.
Five: we help a partner. Namely, we monitor not only our own criticism, but also the partner’s criticism, namely, we record those moments when criticism was nevertheless sounded in our direction. In the evening we transfer our notes to the partner, he will check this with his notes, and this will help him.
Attention: you must definitely agree that during a conversation, standing and defiantly recording a partner’s conversation is not offensive, but normal. It is forbidden to take offense at this.
Six: your criticism can be translated into a reasonable, benevolent and constructive form: in the form of tips and thoughts on how something can be done better. Not “Stop yelling at the children!”, But “You know, yesterday, in a similar situation, it helped me a lot to negotiate with the children, this is what …”
However, in many couples, this was also slowed down: if someone abused the tips or turned them into teachings, then an additional rule was adopted: you need to ask permission for tips and advice. If you want to give advice, ask your partner: «Can I give you advice?». If you are allowed, yes, say so. If not, then keep your tips to yourself, and no offense.
And as an outlet, point seven, in the evening we allocate a special half hour of time for wishes. Everything important that is not forgotten, we speak only at this time. That is, if you wanted to criticize or teach a partner, then we do it only now, only at this time — and together we discuss in what form it would sound good and not offensive. The wording “I was very offended when you said in front of my parents that I am not a very good cook” is really not the best, and maybe next time you will formulate it differently: “You are right, I am really not very good I cook, but it seems to me that this issue is better for us to discuss between us, without parents. How do you think?».
Intelligent people can improve their relationship if they wish.