Red cat, or Who is the head of the family

It is difficult for a mother to fight with her child. And it is easy for a child to fight with his mother. Well, who will win? To put it more broadly, then: loving and decent parents, by virtue of their decency, cannot afford what a child can easily afford, and therefore they often give in to a child. Gu.e. I don’t want to fight, so they are ready to give in and agree. That is, to obey and recognize the power of the child. And therefore, normal children usually beat such normal adults «at once.»

Here is the dreary organization of social security. A long line, in its ranks, a mother with a cute baby. The kid sits on his mother’s lap, smiles at her and with pleasure, ras-ka-chi-va-a-yas! — falls on the back of the head to the floor. More precisely, it starts to fall, because mom catches it every time. And that is why he falls in plenty, in full pleasure, falls again and again. After all, mom is catching him? Always, always catches? The child selflessly creates a holiday for himself! Well, in this case, at the expense of my mother.

Maybe it can be lowered to the floor, put on its own legs? Well, you, it’s impossible. Because in this case the child will quickly run to the door of the nearest offices and will open them with interest. And then it’s great to knock on doors. And if mom forbids it or decides to slap him, then you can start screaming wildly with your whole body, which mom is afraid of more than anything in the world.

Therefore, the mother will hold the cute baby on her knees, and, smiling with all her cheeks, love him with all her might, with her last strength lifting his considerable kilograms over and over again. And where will she, mother, go before the child? Mom knows what will happen if her child cracks the back of her head on the floor. The child does not want to know. And so he will command the parade.

The power of a child and a man nearby

A child for a mother is a source of constant trouble, a man is a breadwinner and lover. It would seem that from the point of view of reason and logic, a woman should cherish a man, her husband to a greater extent, and a child for her should be in second place. Is it so? — That’s right, it’s not. In the choice between a child and a man (oh, God forbid, God forbid, of course!) a modern woman almost without hesitation chooses — that’s right, a child! After all, she is a mother!

And the fact that she is also a wife … Well, a wife … So what? Is the mother more important? In addition, the mother is guided by the maternal instinct.

Actually this is not true. The maternal instinct serves the behavior of the mother only during the first months after the birth of the child, then the mother behaves as she is used to or as she was brought up.

In traditional cultures, the attitude towards children was very different and, frankly, not so elevated. Often, good cattle was valued more than a child; in Russian folk tales, it is not a rare plot when a father sells his son who has attracted someone. The death of a child, especially when the wife is constantly belly, was experienced briefly: «God gave — God took.» Another will be born. A son was born — okay, this is a good addition to the family, if we feed it — there will be a worker. A daughter was born — well, mother, made it easy, now what to do with an extra mouth …

By the way, the relationship with the sons was not only joyful. The grandfather of Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin, Hannibal, was not just an African Negro, he was one of the nineteen royal sons, since there were royal dynasties on the African continent. So, one of the most vivid memories of his childhood was a picture when he ran in front of his father and touched everything with his little hands. He was the only one who could do this: all the other brothers had their hands tied at every meeting with their father. Why? Yes, because then it was completely natural if any of the sons suddenly waved a knife and stabbed his father. To become king yourself. And therefore, it was natural for any self-respecting father then to treat his children as his potential killers. Why wasn’t Hannibal tied up? The reason is simple: he was still too small then …

I think that mothers, albeit each in their own way, have always loved and loved their children, and it is unlikely that over the past two centuries maternal love has become stronger and more reverent. Maternal love has always been in the world and, apparently, it will always remain. But what is changing is the attitude towards this love: consider it something important or not. Like this? Let me explain with an example.

Here the girl loves her favorite doll very much and simply cannot live without it, but the doll is barely alive, completely worn out, and it is no longer possible to take such a mess from the village to the city apartment (according to the parents). Where do you think this old doll will spend her last winter? The correct answer is “Unknown!”, because in our culture toys have not yet received the status of holiness, and parents feel they have the right to decide this question completely arbitrarily: “Well, why are you crying ?! We’ll buy you another one. Barbie!» And among themselves: “Anyway, she will forget her in a week”

And, very likely, they are even right.

But it will take, say, a couple of decades, and public opinion will change. Everyone (of course, more or less educated, and not some completely wild parent) will already know that the foundations of kindness and morality for children are laid first of all by their favorite toys, they are the core of their future worldview, attitude to the world and to parents, and in general the degree of civilization of a society is measured by its attitude to toys …

So: it is obvious that in this case the children’s feelings for their toys themselves will not change, but children will become much more energetic in insisting on their feelings. And soon everyone will simply be convinced that the reverent attitude of children with their toys is something instinctive, naturally conditioned, and if in the choice between parents and a favorite toy a child chooses a toy, then parents, as adults and strong people, should treat this with understanding. Yes? And if the analogy is already clear, then the conclusion is also clear: maternal love has always existed, but it has become a social supervalue only recently — namely, since children have become supervalue. Or, the same thing in a different way — since the value of a man in the eyes of a woman has decreased. And instincts, including maternal ones, have nothing to do with it.

​​​​​​​Total. It is hardly possible to seriously assert that the supervalue of the child for the mother is a natural instinct. Rather, it is a phenomenon of modern culture, because children began to become something sacred for humanity not so long ago, somewhere only in the last two centuries.

And especially strongly in the development of women’s emancipation. What is especially curious.

Two friends are talking. One is shared with the other:

— The main thing is to have a person close to you!

She is distracted by her husband: — Close by! I said close!

Well, yes, for most modern women, a child is more important than a husband, and public opinion considers this the norm. So what: maybe it’s just their own women’s business? Or does it mean something? How does this affect real relationships in the family?

I have a hypothesis that such a situation is contraindicated for the family. It seems to me that this is harmful for a child, dangerous for a woman and unacceptable for a man.

In many modern families, the pyramid of power has the following curious appearance: at the bottom is the husband, to whom the wife informs him of his decisions. Above the husband is the wife, she is the mother. And the child commands the mother …

And if you look even more closely, then the most important thing in this family is a red cat! When she stands at the door and purrs demandingly, everyone obeys her: the child runs to her, the mother does what the child screams at her, and the father is to blame for everything: “Well, why don’t you look, they told you!” You probably watched such families, and you hardly liked them much.

Why is such a pyramid of power established? There may be many reasons, but there is a hypothesis that the position of a woman plays a certain role in this, for which the child and his interests are more important than the interests of her husband, or even himself.

Indeed, what a child needs, first of all, a woman knows. But if the child is a Saint, then how should one treat the one who communicates his will? That’s right, with the utmost respect and reverence. As a woman formulates what a child needs, then it will be in the family. Do you hear, husband?

Further: women are closest to the child and most directly care for him, serve him. If a child is a Saint, then how to relate to those who are closest to him and whom he needs most of all? Like the priests. The role of women is increasing, the role of men is decreasing.

It is unlikely that women do this intentionally, but objectively it turns out that the more important the child is in the family, the more power the woman has and the less power the man has. And at the very top, we recall, there will be a red cat. Meow!

How will be correct?

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​It seems to me that the construct is obvious here: the pyramid should be turned upside down. In such a properly built family, children obey their parents, and dad does not need to fight with mom to formulate what and how will be in this family today, who will serve whom, where they will go and who will do what.

It seems to me that such a family is the best for all its members. Such a family is good for a woman, because if the head of the family is the husband, then he decides all the main issues. Well, nice. And she doesn’t have a headache.

Such a family suits a man quite well, because normal men (and we are talking, of course, not about all men, but only about normal men, even if there are not very many of them) are ready to take on more responsibility and work harder, if only they are loved , appreciate and often tell them that they are the most important in the family.

Dear women, you know how sweet this candy is for a man. So, use it!

And most importantly, such a family is optimal for children. Because the main question of a real family is who, how do children grow up in a family? They have to live … So, think about it: how, how can you raise your children, these cute hooligans, if the power in the family belongs to them? And self-education among hooligans, even the cutest ones, is somehow not common.

Children need to get up in the morning — and you know, they don’t always want to. “Well, let him lie still, you see, he didn’t get enough sleep!” It’s good when children do exercises in the morning. “Well, why are you climbing with your exercises, he doesn’t want to!” Dad was kicked out, but soon mom will be kicked out too: “Go gargle. — But I do not want! — Well, you have to! “But I won’t, leave me alone!” We’ve arrived. And what are the prospects for such a family, more precisely, for such a child? Most likely not the best. Difficult prospects.

Another thing is when a mother can always rely on the help of a respected father: “Dad said, so it’s necessary!” And the child knows that they don’t argue with a wonderful and beloved dad in this family, because this has always been the case in this family. Because it’s just a tradition in this family. The same tradition as in a neighboring family to argue on any issue.

In total, for a wise woman, the supervalue is not a child, but a family, headed by a father. In such a family, children know that they are loved, but they are aware that the main issues in the family are decided by the parents, not the children. And if children squeak, they get not what they want, but in the ass.

And a wise woman seems to be able to do it.