Contents
We express everything we feel
Marital disputes are a reality. Sometimes we all go crazy. 100% harmony, ideal and cloudless love, all of this is utopia. The reality is that when we love each other, we bawls out ! As well with her husband as with his friends! If you think that by not saying anything it will work out on its own, are you wrong? Instead of fixing things, plunging your head in the sand like a vexed ostrich only makes the climate worse. Over time, the reasons for discord continue to do their little work of undermining in depth and reappear even more virulent at the slightest spark. Resentment accumulates, resentment infiltrates the relationship and pollutes the moments of happiness. To avoid that, speak up! Everyone has the right to say clearly and simply what makes them angry. If you find it difficult to impose yourself, set up the alternating speaking time system: ten minutes each, watch in hand, without forgetting a compulsory right of reply.
Be careful with false reconciliations who avoid the problem instead of confronting it. It’s like a bandage put on an uncleaned wound. Underneath it becomes infected and it spreads … You must not dream: sometimes, reconciliation is impossible and it is better to realize it right away than to notice it six months later. A romantic weekend in Venice is not enough to find each other with the wave of a magic wand. Sometimes the tete-a-tete tightens the links, sometimes it still shows the distance. If one accepts everything for fear of losing the other, if the other leans without conviction, the clash final is to follow. If you really want to solve a problem and find a good understanding, you have to really want it!
To burst into tears to soften the opponent and obtain reconciliation by playing on feelings is not a good solution. At the time, the other is taken aback, moved, even pityed by tears. But past the first emotion, he can begin to despise this kind of technique, a little easy and loose. Another bad tactic, blackmail: “If you stop spending your weekends working, I promise to get into tennis with you. ” At best, the work-addict will obey for a month, then start all over again. At worst, he will be lectured by his boss for lack of professional motivation and will freak you out because it’s your fault … As for the famous reconciliation on the pillow, it is better to forget it. Sexual relations against a background of violence and brawl have never fulfilled anyone!
Reconciliation requires reflection
Who’s wrong, who’s right ? What is my share of responsibility in this conflict ? Where is the real problem? These are the right questions to ask yourself after an argument. To reconcile well, we must first understand the underlying knot of the conflict., take the time to search, to scratch where it hurts, to bring out what one refuses to admit. Nothing like a cold assessment to initiate an effective reconciliation. Before going on the offensive, you can put your wrongs, grievances and justifications in writing, it is an excellent means of introspection.
Why get angry every morning with your darling because he leaves the wet towel lying around? It is exhausting, for him as for you. Basically, this mania is not worth a trench warfare. Fair and lasting peace means opening up your perspectives, putting yourself in the other’s shoes and respecting their personality. If we want a reconciliation pays off, better to play the franchise. Have your words exceeded your thought? Say it, it helps relax the atmosphere. Do you realize that your requests are never acted upon? The wisest thing is undoubtedly to change them or to adapt them to the human being in front of you. No need to rush, you will never force a careless man to spread out his wet towel instead of leaving it curled up in the bathroom. On the other hand, to be forgiven, he ABSOLUTELY has to take you to dinner at your favorite restaurant. Knowing how to let go of the accessory but stick to the essential, such is the way of wisdom!
We put our pride in our pocket
Taking the first step never killed anyone. And yet, who knows how many reconciliations have failed because of misplaced pride! To sign the armistice, you put your ego in your pocket and you take the first step. Why you ? Quite simply because the one who hoists the white flag always takes the advantage over the resentful sulk. If one tries to take advantage of the situation to seize power and bend the other, the peace of reconciliation turns into surrender. Never give in under threat or intimidation.
Practice formulating what’s on your mind avoiding the accusing “you”. To convince, talk about your feelings instead. For example: “I am unhappy” rather than “You are an egoist, you only think of yourself! Finding a compromise acceptable to both parties is the secret to successful reconciliation! Study all the possible solutions together and choose the one that does not harm either one or the other.
Once you have buried the hatchet, you feel relieved and happy to have saved your love. But the signed peace treaty, the ex-enemies must change their attitude and commit to respecting the other if they wish to avoid recurrence and new quarrels. If everyone draws the positive consequences and starts again on new bases, it is won. On the other hand, if the mega-crises follow one another, perhaps it is preferable to consult the professionals of reconciliation of couples in difficulty …