The power struggle can be very violent.
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This demonstrativeness is from embarrassment and a little revenge for the fact that they look at her with condemnation. This demonstrativeness is from situational psychological problems, this is problematic behavior.
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Anyone, including a psychologically healthy person, also sometimes behaves both erroneously and inadequately, but behind his erroneous behavior there are more often such reasons as: accident, poor health , incompetence (lack of necessary knowledge and skills), bad manners, sometimes erroneous life strategies, such as avoiding failure. (See →) If behind his behavior we can see the struggle for power, revenge, attracting attention and fear of failure, then in this case we begin to talk about his psychological problems, about his problematic behavior and problematic dynamics.
According to Dreikurs and Kravtsova, there are only four typical causes, four problematic dynamics, behind the erroneous behavior of a psychologically problematic child:
- To attract attention. In a difficult situation, the child usually tries to attract the attention of parents — they help out. Sometimes it remains a habit for life: in a difficult situation, try to attract attention to yourself by shouting, crying, public accusations — instead of thinking about the consequences and simply resolving the issue. See →
- Power struggle. Power is a sweet reward and an advantageous position. It often seems to children and adults that the authorities will solve all their problems. Carried away by the struggle for power, people often forget about their real goals and begin to behave both in conflict and inappropriately. See →
- Revenge (retaliation). Internal tension requires an outlet, and behavior arises not for what, but because: the release of uncontrolled aggression towards the offender. See →
- Fear of failure. It is embodied in a demonstration of helplessness and a simulation of inability. Here is the position of the Victim and the game of Durik, going on the defensive, etc.
These reasons can be generated by the current situation, or they can come from afar, from childhood, being reproduced as habitual behavior.
The main distinguishing feature of the goal of «power struggle» from the goal of «getting attention» is how the child will behave after you make a remark to him. If he immediately stops misbehaving, then he has achieved his goal. He got your attention. But if his behavior becomes even worse, then his goal is a struggle for power.
In this case, his look will be defiant, in it you can read something like this: “You may be able to stop me now, but later I will do it my own way anyway!”