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David Gotsman does not enter into conflict, he manages it.
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A strong person is able to resolve conflicts without anger, while maintaining goodwill.
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The conflict can start and not by your will. One way or another, it has already begun or is beginning. How to behave?
You can behave like the other side, or you can behave in a civilized way. It is more difficult to behave in a civilized manner, but more worthy, and more effective in the end. However, the circumstances are different. If you have a serious preponderance of forces and the decision should be as prompt as possible, forceful (not quite civilized) solutions to the emerging conflict may be more successful.
David Gotsman acts effectively, but it is impossible to call his behavior quite civilized. And with close and respected people, he behaves differently.
The usual pattern of behavior that resolves the conflict in a civilized way consists of the following stages: we react kindly, we move on to prevention, we conduct a controlled conflict.
More details and step by step.
If in relation to us someone allowed himself to behave in a conflict, at first we react kindly, through soft settlement. We continue syntonic behavior, look for an opportunity to remove the basis of the conflict, maneuver, control attention, work with emotions, and, if necessary, translate the conflict into negotiations.
Perhaps you are emotional and in dealing with someone you are offended by or who makes you angry, you allow conflicts. It may very well be that you don’t even notice them or consider them completely fair, but this will not cancel one circumstance: as long as you allow conflictogens in communication with this person, your relationship will remain bad and conflicts will continue.
Situation from life: there is a consultation of a married couple. The offended wife, looking at her husband, speaks out about the fact that she and her husband stopped communicating: “I don’t want to see his nasty face. I want him to see me as a woman and admire me!” Yes, she really wants him to change his behavior. But as long as she talks to him like that, no communication will develop. Normal negotiations begin only after each side unconditionally removes its conflictogens.
If the situation is not resolved, the conflict behavior continues — we turn to confrontation. At first softly, then harder: a demand to stop conflict behavior, a warning about the consequences.
If this does not help, we conduct a controlled conflict. We implement threats, but show a way out. No matter how the operation ends (in experienced hands, everything usually ends reasonably), we return to syntonic behavior and, if it was a quarrel with loved ones, we make amends for what happened. Life is Beautiful!
It is fundamentally important to act strictly in this sequence, not to rush to a confrontation until you have used the possibilities of soft resolution, and not to start a conflict until you have had a competent confrontation. On the other hand, women are afraid to move on to tough interactions, they always hope to resolve issues only kindly, only gently. This is not true.
With the right behavior, the conflict can be extinguished even at the initial stages, then neither a warning nor a controlled conflict are needed.