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What do we need to do to make our project happen? Psychologist Marina Melia’s step-by-step recommendation: from “I want” to “act”.
Marina Melia, psychologist, author of Business is Psychology: The Psychological Coordinates of the Life of a Modern Business Person (United Press, 2015).
Step 1. “I want”
Any of our journey through life begins with the phrase “I want.” It would seem that it is not at all difficult to formulate what we want. But this is only at first glance. In fact, this is both difficult, and important, and responsible, because we determine the goal for which we are ready to reshape our lives. Therefore, first of all, we must figure out: is our “I want” really ours? Or do we formulate for ourselves as a goal what is heard, what is inspired by fashion, our environment, stereotypes, social norms? The implementation of the project can take years – will we have enough motivation, patience, perseverance? If the goal is “ours”, and not someone else’s, not introduced from outside, that’s enough. To understand this, one must try to see the picture of what is desired: like an architect, before building a house, he always draws a sketch on paper. And then it will immediately become clear whether we need everything that we so selflessly dream about, whether we really want it, what we are ready to sacrifice in order to achieve this goal.
The goal becomes real when it expresses our true, deep motives, when we begin to live it. In search of our true purpose, we often find our true self. In my practice, there are many examples when a bold dream in itself revealed such potential in a person, the existence of which he did not even suspect.
Step 2. “I can”
We have already understood what we want, but what can we do? We need to evaluate our resources, our starting opportunities, conduct a kind of “reality audit”. This procedure can bring many unpleasant surprises, it’s great to spoil our mood and even undermine our faith in the possibility of implementing our project. But it is not for nothing that they say that every desire is given to us together with the forces to fulfill it. The main thing is not to try to deceive yourself and present the situation better than it really is.
We need to evaluate not only external resources – financial and organizational, but also internal ones – our knowledge, skills, qualifications. I am going to open my own business – but will I have enough energy, will I be able to withstand such a load, am I ready to live for a long time in a situation of uncertainty? Do I have the talent of an organizer, the ability to get along with people, demand, negotiate, resolve conflicts? Perhaps I need a reliable partner who has all these qualities and who will be able to “close the gaps”, compensate for my shortcomings, support, insure, and so on.
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Step 3. “Must”
Recently, my good friends decided to engage in the production of “live” bread – to germinate wheat grains and bake buns from them. They are supporters of a healthy lifestyle, they are really interested in it. They have the strength, time, desire and financial ability to start their own business. And they have already agreed with the stores where they will sell their products. And another friend of mine left a major publishing house “to free flight” – she wants to stay at home and write scripts for movies. The idea is wonderful, the only question is whether there will be a demand for its scripts …
Our brightest dreams, hopes and aspirations can be shattered in one moment by a short word “must”. We can come up with a wonderful, fantastic project, but no one will need it. So that our efforts do not go to waste, so that we do not work in vain, we need to understand whether our project will be in demand by the market, how we are going to promote it, who is our target audience, who are our competitors, what can we expect in a year or two, and so on.
This is how the triad “want-can-should” is formed. Our task is to find a balance between these components: we correlate our desires with our capabilities, project the result obtained onto the market situation, evaluate our chances of success and then make the final choice – to be or not to be our project. If we decide that “there is a project”, we sketch out a business plan and move on.
Step 4. “Change”
We are starting a new life – what does this mean? First of all, let’s pay off our debts – let’s finish the old things at last, try to get rid of everything that pulls us back to the past – “throw away old shoes to put on new ones.” Let’s focus on the future – write a new script for a new hero. Our task is to help ourselves enter a new business, like a new river: to change both externally and internally, to see ourselves in a new way, to give ourselves a signal – “Changes are coming!”
It is worth changing something in appearance – hair, makeup, accessories. A new style, a different manner of holding, talking. After all, I am the leader of my own project! A new visual image often helps to create a new internal image.
You can also update the space – for example, rearrange the furniture in the apartment or change the curtains. Our social circle should also change: we need to go through our contacts, remember which of our former acquaintances can be useful to us in our new business, with whom we should renew relations, who will help, support, and advise. To feel in a new way, it is necessary to create “new circumstances”.
Pass the tests
- Can you turn the page and start a new life?
Step 5. “Act”
As practice shows, the last stage of achieving the goal is the most difficult, it is on it that the majority breaks down. We must clearly understand: you should not count on quick success, perhaps not everything will work out right away, so you need to give yourself time “for trial and error”. But you can’t retreat either – the main thing is to be consistent: don’t stagnate, don’t slide back, move forward all the time – today is better than yesterday, and tomorrow is better than today.
In order to “master the long road”, we need three important qualities that are worth developing in ourselves. The first is tolerance for uncertainty: no matter how the circumstances develop, we do not give up our goal, we will do everything that depends on us, and calmly accept what cannot be changed. The second is the courage of imperfection: we understand that we are not perfect, we are calm about our mistakes and failures. A person who is afraid to make a mistake does not try, does not experiment, does not create. Fear slows down the creative process, fetters imagination and initiative. Well, the third is, of course, optimism: it is necessary in order not to be “blown away” ahead of time, to believe in the effectiveness of one’s own actions, to remain persistent and persevere towards one’s goal.
They say, “lucky are those who are lucky.” Success is never guaranteed to anyone. But we will definitely be lucky if we rely not on chance, not on “happy coincidence”, “fortunate market conditions”, but on ourselves. I have my own universal formula for success: do what you love, and do it with all your might.