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There are probably such people in your environment: positive, satisfied with themselves and life. No matter what happens, they remain optimistic. It’s not that they deny or ignore the ups and downs, they accept what’s happening without dwelling on it. This attitude to life can be called «realistic positivism.» And this way of thinking can be adopted, says family therapist Andrea Brandt.
Let’s start with the main thing: are positive people born or made? Both: everyone has the necessary potential. Developing it is not only desirable, but also necessary, because this is a mental attitude that helps to grow above oneself and create a life that one likes.
This way of thinking implies that we accept what is happening, but do not exaggerate the scale of the problem and do not underestimate our abilities. We see and accept what is happening both inside us and in the outside world, and then we shift the focus of attention to what we would like.
I propose four strategies for developing realistic positivism.
1. Put things into perspective
We often confuse perception with reality. Perceptions are not facts, but our interpretation of events, and sometimes it has nothing to do with what actually happened. Therefore, each time it is useful to consider the worst, best and neutral option. If snow is promised today, it could be a blizzard (worst case), bright sunshine (best case), or light snowfall (most likely).
It also helps to put things into perspective. Remind yourself that things could have been much worse. The next time you’re feeling down, watch a documentary about people in difficult life situations. This will instantly change your perception of the situation and prompt a fresh solution: if they did it, so can I. The situation can always be changed — even just by changing the way you look at it.
2. Set higher goals
Optimists see opportunities, while pessimists see obstacles. What we focus on largely determines our perception of the world, so the difference between these approaches determines the quality of life. Acknowledge that there is a problem (realism) and then shift your focus to resolving the situation (positivism).
It is important not only to focus on solving the problem, but also to think big. If we are sick, in addition to finding methods of treatment (solving the problem), we need to set more global goals. What do we want in the future? Maybe go on a trip around the world? Or having a baby? Start thinking about it now.
3. Inspire and support yourself
Self-talk affects our lives: it either builds our self-confidence and self-esteem, which helps us move forward and achieve our goals, or makes us feel like we’re not up to the task, and as a result, we waste time and energy.
The key to positive change is in the tone of the internal dialogue. It is important to remind ourselves that life is under control and we have enough strength to grow and cope with the challenges.
Try to change your vocabulary: replace “should” with “decided” or “chosen”, “problem” with “project”. You will see: your feelings and attitude towards life will change.
Each challenge is an opportunity to learn something new about yourself and get closer to the ideal we strive for. Remember to acknowledge your efforts, progress, and accomplishments, and positive self-talk will be the foundation of your success.
4. Look for role models
Looking at those we admire and drawing inspiration from them is a great way to change what we think is reality. Looking at them, we see: everything is possible, which means that we should set more ambitious goals. Have you dreamed of becoming more athletic for a long time, but you think it’s «too late»? Look at Fauja Singh, who ran a marathon at 89. Look for examples that will inspire you personally.
Regardless of age, our brain can be «reformatted», reconfigured. Take small steps every day, be persistent, and you will succeed.
About the Author: Andrea Brandt is a Marriage and Family Therapist. She has over 35 years of experience in family and group therapy, teaching emotion control classes.