Rationalization

In 1822, Stendhal, in his treatise On Love, formulated amazing reflections on crystallization as the main mechanism of falling in love:

“Let the mind of a lover work for twenty-four hours, and this is what you will see … In the salt mines of Salzburg, a branch of a tree, bare during the winter, is thrown into the abandoned depths of these mines; two or three months later it is taken out, covered with brilliant crystals; even the smallest twigs, no larger than the paw of a titmouse, are adorned with countless mobile and dazzling diamonds; the old thread is unrecognisable. — What I call crystallization is a special activity of the mind which, from everything it encounters, extracts the discovery that the beloved object has new perfections. Having fallen in love, the most intelligent person no longer sees a single object as it really is. He loses the sense of the probable and, exaggerating the slightest signs of the location of his beloved, believes in what he wants to believe.

The same thing, but simpler and shorter, wrote A.S. Pushkin in 1828 to the wonderful Sashenka Osipova: “Ah, it’s not difficult to deceive me, I myself am glad to be deceived!” Alexander Sergeevich knew that people tend to deceive themselves. He knew that people easily believe what they find sweet to believe. Or profitable. Or convenient.

A hundred years later, Sigmund Freud began to write about the same thing. He wrote about the mechanism of psychological defense, which he called «rationalization», namely that people regularly and cleverly lie to themselves for their own benefit. But if Stendhal and Pushkin considered this not even a vice, but a sweet human weakness, causing a knowing smile, then Freud was not going to joke and qualified rationalization as a psychological defense mechanism.

«Rationalization is a psychological defense mechanism in which only that part of the perceived information is used in thinking, and only those conclusions are made, thanks to which one’s own behavior appears as well controlled and does not contradict objective circumstances. In other words, it is the search and selection of a rational explanation for behavior or decisions that have other, unconscious reasons ”(Wikipedia).

Yes, Freud is right: people lie to themselves more often than Stendhal and Pushkin wrote about it. People deceive themselves with ease and pleasure in order to plausibly explain facts that are inconvenient for them or to present normal things for which they may be ashamed. People tend to juggle, adjust their understanding of the events happening to them to their desires, to what is convenient for them.

Rationalization makes it possible to whitewash and justify oneself, and to make everyone else guilty. Those husbands and wives who are at war with each other after a divorce will always explain to you why they have no other choice and that there is a terrible person.

At first we invent something, and then we forget that we ourselves invented it ourselves and with pleasure we believe in our notion, as in the truth.

A famous example of rationalization is Aesop’s fable, The Fox and the Grapes. The fox cannot get the grapes in any way and retreats, rationalizing this by saying that the grapes are «green».

• «All women are fools!» — most often and loudest of all it is shouted by men whom worthy women bypass.
• “People don’t change,” those who can’t cope with themselves usually state philosophically.

A very old observation of Distance Leaders: if a Distance Learner starts to get lazy, he writes more formal reports first. Then he writes them less often. After that, he begins to miss individual meetings at the Distance. And when he leaves the Distance, he never explains his laziness and disorganization. No, it’s not about him, but about the Distance: “It just doesn’t suit me!”.

Cowardly people call their behavior cautious, aggressors in life will always explain that they are forced to defend themselves, and those who have not learned — or are tired — to love and care, tell everyone about Karpman’s terrible triangle «Savior — Persecutor — Victim».

Mistake! It is not those who love and care that fall into the Karpman triangle, but those who do it without a head or not competently.

Rationalization is a reality, but the attitude towards it in psychoanalysis and in the synton approach is different. For psychoanalysis, this is a given that you just need to accept. This is an internal, unconscious mechanism sewn into us, which works for us in addition to our will and consciousness, works for everyone and always. This is not done by you, but by your mind. This is how we are. We can’t not do that!

Yes? No that’s not true. In the synthonic approach, we look at it differently.

Rationalization is a habit learned in childhood to invent for one’s own benefit.

If in childhood you played only mother-daughters and similar children’s role-playing games, where there are no strict rules for playing and you often need free fantasy to invent reality on the go, then you invent it easily and, perhaps, you yourself believe in what you came up with. Well, yes, after that, psychologists will state that you are characterized by the phenomenon of rationalization, and ordinary people will say more simply: «liar.»

If, as a child, you had games with clear rules and you learned that those who try to lie and get around the rules are called zhukhals and kicked out of the game, you are most likely not accustomed to lying and have a reputation among people as an honest person.

You may have developed the bad habit of lying for other reasons. If a mother (or grandmother) often swears, but easily regrets, if a child starts complaining to her, then what do children quickly begin to do? To invent and complain about anything, just not to be guilty. And the grandmother regrets, the grandmother likes to regret, so she teaches the child to lie.

Or maybe in some family a child saw in childhood how dad lies to mom, and mom composes and lies something to dad on the go, and perceives it as the norm … If a child grew up in an atmosphere of everyday lies, he will lie, protecting himself, because he was simply ill-bred.

There is no need to compose deep psychology where there is bad pedagogy.

Rationalization is just a bad habit, and bad habits need to be broken.

You have to get rid of bad habits, because otherwise sooner or later someone will want to get rid of you.

Try it on for yourself. If your accountant will, reporting on the state of your account, lie to you, explaining this with the peculiarities of your psyche and the unconscious mechanism of rationalization, you know what you will do. Yes?

Unlearn lying to yourself, there is nothing particularly difficult here, especially for those who study at the University of Practical Psychology, there is nothing here. When you rationalize, smart people next to you see it elementarily — and tell you about it. Just ask!

If in childhood you did not learn to distinguish fairy tales from reality, we will learn this now. If your behavior upsets you, tell yourself: “Mistake!” and hug yourself. Everything will be fine, and there will be no need to lie to yourself. And gradually we will grow wiser and wiser, we will make fewer mistakes, and we will simply not need rationalization.