“How to raise boys?”, “How to raise a boy?”, “How to raise a boy?”
These questions come to me quite often. What is characteristic — mostly from women. Men almost never ask such questions (isolated cases, no more).
It is understandable. Usually divorced women who raise their son on their own ask something (the father, as a rule, hardly sees the child for various reasons). These women sincerely want the best for their sons and do everything in their power to raise the boy right (which I have the deepest respect for these women). Among other things, women ask questions to men — me, including.
So I decided to answer these questions, at least in general terms.
So, the first condition for the correct upbringing of a boy is that a male example is needed. The male figure that the boy will focus on. Strictly speaking, this example can be a father, even an absent one, even a dead one. If a boy knows at least something about his father, if he somehow focuses on him, this is already a lot.
Of course, it is better when a man is alive and available. Any man can come here — an older brother, uncle, grandfather, neighbor.
Perhaps the easiest option is a coach in the sports section. Wrestling or boxing coach, or chess, or ping-pong, or bast shoes — it doesn’t matter. The main thing is that you (mother) trust this coach, and he was a man. Already it will be quite enough for the boy to move in the right direction (even if you are allergic to the word “right”, I will still leave it in the text).
The second condition for raising a boy is an understanding of male culture. I deliberately use the term «culture». We are not even talking about psychology, but about culture, so that we do not mean by this term.
Men’s culture is different from women’s and if a boy strives to follow it (male culture), it makes sense to respect his desire. For example, if a boy had a fight with someone, he has the right to do so. There is no point in scolding or punishing him — fights for boys are not only enmity. It is also a way to establish contact, present yourself, take a place in the team. In general, it’s not scary if the boy fights. Boy!
Another aspect of male culture is rivalry. It’s normal for men to compete. This encourages development, improvement of skills, mastery. When a man is still a boy, rivalry is paramount. If in adolescence the attention of girls (or lack of it) can become an incentive for development, then up to this point it has been only rivalry. That is, the desire to jump higher, jump further, lift more than he is.
The third important aspect of male culture is the joy of overcoming. Men (at least boys) for some reason find interesting things that require effort. It is not interesting to run just like that — it is interesting when there are obstacles on the way. Or, the same is interesting, with closed eyes.
Overcome! That’s what boys are interested in.
Knowing the characteristics of male culture, it is much easier for a mother to raise her son. It is enough not to reproach him for actions that correspond to this culture. Got into a fight? I understand… Are you competing with your desk mate? Naturally … Useful to overcome? Of course you are a boy…
Just in case, I emphasize — we are not talking about indulgence. It is very reasonable for a boy, like a girl, to be taught to do housework, help his mother, do his homework on his own, and so on. Discipline and exactingness are useful things, if you do not go too far.
I’m talking specifically about understanding male culture and acting in accordance with this understanding. If you keep this understanding in your head constantly, it will be much easier to raise a boy.
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.