Contents
Autobiographical story with historical immersions
This work of mine has a strange fate — at first it was just an article about raising a girl, then a historical excursion into the past of the clan and an overview of her family was added, and, finally, a guide for women was formed on how to find your happiness in yourself.
So: girls, gentle and subtle creatures, a bunch of emotions, feelings and fantasies, each needs a special approach. It seems to whom, if not me, the mother of four daughters, write on this multifaceted and exciting topic. But how is everything ambiguous and with each in a different way.
I will try to summarize the main thing that unites the age-old approach to raising girls in the dynasty of my ancestors on the maternal side, the attitudes and rules of my grandmother, my mother’s experience in raising me, the methods that guided me when raising my daughters, well, the methods of self-education and re-education herself.
Here is a cocktail I dare to offer to the reader.
Those who stop helping others become a burden to themselves as well.
Let’s start with the most important, in my opinion, in raising a girl, with what gives her strength, desire and courage to go through life with her head held high — this her sense of self-worth. A kind of unbending rod, an unsinkable lifeline that allows you to successfully overcome life’s trials without losing your honor, and therefore without losing respect for yourself as a person.
In itself, this feeling consists of many terms, beliefs, awareness and skills and is added drop by drop, step by step in the process of growing up and education.
It seems to me FEMALE SELF-Dignity in the form of a precious necklace. Every woman has her own: special, unique, inimitable. The basis of the decoration is a golden thread, woven from her earthly, practical deeds, daily and absolutely concrete, for which she came into this world to bring love, benefit and joy to people.
How many women in the world, so many different decorations, so many useful and important women’s affairs: some have children, a man, a family, someone will choose: work, creativity, charity, someone will devote their strength to sports, collecting, gardening, cooking, this list is endless, as there are no similar women in our world.
And then, on the golden thread of her destiny are strung like diamonds: the stages of her journey, the events that shaped her personality, the people whose meetings were significant and turning points in life, her own qualities and character traits, as well as her awareness, values, achievements and changes, the author of which was SHE HERSELF.
This precious necklace has the property of growing with the girl, becoming richer and brighter, acquiring an irresistible brilliance and radiance, and in the meantime, more and more people are bathing and warming in its light, beauty and warmth.
I begin the story about the components of my necklace …
A long time ago, in the vast expanses of the Soviet kingdom, a little girl Lena Zyryanova learned that on her mother’s side she belongs to an ancient, noble family — the Konovnitsyns. Whether in childhood she lacked a sense of self-importance, or maybe she really wanted to be special and extraordinary, against the background of the same girls and boys that our Soviet system produced, it is difficult to determine, due to the prescription of times, but this fact undoubtedly played a noticeable role. role in her life and character development. It even seems that it was with him that the birth and strengthening of this very dignity began.
We note, however, that the Soviet philosophy of equality and fraternity also occupied a large and important place in the upbringing of this girl, and the principles of collectivism were close and sympathetic to her, but still … she felt with all her skin that it was precisely belonging to the count’s roots that gave her a chance to become happy and successful. In some inexplicable way, this circumstance influenced the worldview, formed the need for mandatory compliance with the high life ideals of distant ancestors, and thereby determined her own life principles and norms of behavior. To be honest, it often did more harm than good. The girl was straightforward, unbending, stubborn, she perceived a lot in this life literally and only in black and white.
But, just as “you can’t throw out the words from a song,” so you can’t replace the events of our childhood. And the girl Lena searched, read, asked her relatives about her deep roots, peered into their faces in old photographs, and slowly put together their images, from the facts of biographies, eyewitness memories, personal letters and life events, somewhere deep, deep into herself, creating a fabulous story about yourself and your world.
Chapter 1
The history of the glorious family of Konovnitsyns goes far back centuries, in the time of Ivan Kalita. This family is descended from Andrei Ivanovich Kobyla, the founder of a number of famous families, including the Romanov family, belongs to the oldest in Russia and is included in the earliest genealogies.
The whole past of Russia is woven from exploits, from the fates of heroes. But even for a whole millennium of Russian history, there will be no more than a hundred such people as Pyotr Petrovich Konovnitsyn (1764-1822). Commander and statesman, hero of the Patriotic War of 1812, first assistant to Kutuzov, count (since 1819), infantry general, minister of war, member of the State Council and the Governing Senate, head of military educational institutions, Chief Director of the Page and other cadet corps, mentor of the sons of the emperor — this is not a complete list of his titles and accomplishments.
The life and work of Pyotr Petrovich Konovnitsyn show us, the descendants, an excellent example of not only disinterested and selfless service to the Fatherland, but also an example of high morality, nobility, honor and decency. He was brought up in the best rules of the nobility of that time. Modest, devoid of careerism, always ready to sacrifice himself and able to simply and convincingly speak to a soldier about his duty, he did not make a dizzying career. He did not shout about his patriotism and did not like to serve. V.A. Zhukovsky, his contemporary, more than once referred to the image of Konovnitsyn as the best representative of the generation of heroes who defeated Napoleon. He noted the integrity and amazing fidelity to the once perceived high concepts of Russia, the sovereign, the people.
Pyotr Petrovich married his second cousin Anna Ivanovna, nee Dundukova-Korsakova. The family lived in the Pskov province in the Kyarovo estate. The Konovnitsyns had five children: four sons (Pyotr, Ivan, Grigory, Alexei) and an older daughter, Elizabeth. He managed to pass on high moral qualities and an honest attitude to life to all his children. The family had a good, relaxed, friendly atmosphere. Members of the large Konovnitsyn family were connected by close, kind, warm and respectful relations. This is evident from their vast epistolary heritage. All of them corresponded with each other throughout their lives. Touching correspondence was conducted constantly and very intensively. The serious trials of 1812 could not stop her either.
From the letters of Peter Petrovich to his wife:
“I will tell you, my friend, I have not been ashamed: neither you nor my children will blush for me. I kept Napoleon himself all day, who wanted to dine in Vitebsk, but did not get there at night, except the next day. Ours fight like lions!”
“I was not ashamed, I was in front of everyone with arrows in front, I had two corps against myself and Bonaparte himself, I even saw him myself … Neither you nor my children will blush for me, be my wife, calm. I was so happy that I wasn’t even injured. Although I have them [the wounded] around me, and perhaps more than a thousand killed… Ours fight like lions. We are going to Moscow. Do not think, I will not disgrace myself, and willingly die for my fatherland. God will not leave children and you, but my fatherland, maybe, will remember me. Here everyone gives me justice … «
“… I was in 4 hot cases before, after that 10 days I fought in the vanguard and gained all the respect from both armies. Finally, yesterday was the case of a general battle, the day of the Last Judgment, a battle, which, perhaps, was not even an example. I am alive, what more do you need, and I hasten to please you with this …
I am in command of the corps. Tuchkov was wounded in the chest, Tuchkov Alexander was killed, Tuchkov Pavel had been taken prisoner. Ushakov’s leg was torn off. (…) There are many wounded and killed. Bagration is wounded. My division is almost gone, it served more than anyone, I took it several times to the batteries. Hardly a thousand people will be counted. Many good people have perished, but the enemy has not yet been crushed. He got twice, but still near Moscow. God, help, deliver Russia from the enemy of the world.
I didn’t hit my face in the dirt. And I do not write anything, so as not to show boasting. Yes, now, to tell the truth, and not before.
I don’t want ranks, I don’t want crosses, but the only true happiness is to be in one Kyarov inseparably with you. Family happiness can not be compared with anything in the world. That’s what to ask for my service, I will. This is what I can only be rewarded with. So, my friend, this is my one desire.
“My dear friend, my heart would take out your heart, my joy, be alive with children, take care of yourself — that’s all I want and pray to God … Cross the children, bless, press them to your heart and say that I will try to leave them an honest name father and patriot.
Almost simultaneously, Anna Ivanovna wrote to her husband from Kyarovo:
“Lord, form us with a shameless world. However, Lord, return you to your healthy family… Oh, God bring us to live together and be comforted by dear, kind children… You are my only bliss in the world, my whole thought is filled with you. Forever your friend Annushka,
“Your entire division is completely like my own to me, I pray for all of them, God save you all. My dear friend, how sad I am! I often think that if I had not been in such a position, I would have flown to visit you, my friend. Well, I’m sorry, God bless you. Forever your friend Annushka,
«My soul, I don’t know what’s wrong with you. May the Almighty God preserve you, may our dear fatherland protect, about which I strongly, strongly collapse … «, in the same letter, the spouse reports on the mood of the 10-year-old daughter of Elizabeth, the future wife of the Decembrist M.M. Naryshkin: “Liza takes up arms tightly, the national spirit is terrible in this child and regrets strongly that it is not a boy: she would gladly go to serve and defend the fatherland. And he says that it is a pity that the brothers are small, that they cannot be useful to the Sovereign, good … «.
After the war and severe injury in 1814 and 1815. P.P. Konovnitsyn had to fulfill a very honorable task of the emperor — to be a military mentor, «mentor», the Grand Dukes Nicholas (the future Tsar) and Mikhail, who were going to war. Saying goodbye to them, in a letter, Empress Mother Maria Feodorovna noted:
“General Konovnitsyn, who will be with you, is respected in all respects and especially enjoys the reputation of the most refined courage: follow, at the moment of danger, without fear and doubt, his advice, which will always correspond to honor and respect them as orders coming from the emperor himself or me »
Parting with Nikolai and Mikhail, Pyotr Petrovich wrote them a letter of instruction, from which the pedagogical principles of the general are visible. He inspires the grand dukes with the idea of the need to systematically work daily to increase knowledge, develop natural talents, and strengthen morality:
“No virtuous feat is accomplished without exertion of the spirit, without labor, and the heart should be filled with good rules, with which your actions must be subdued,” he writes. Calls on the Grand Dukes P.P. Konovnitsyn to “open” in his heart “fiery compassion for the poor, the unfortunate, the oppressed; helping your neighbor be your most brilliant joy in life”, for which “it is necessary to try to know all the truths of Christianity”.
An important principle offered by the author to the Grand Dukes is constant self-control and discipline. Pyotr Petrovich urges them never to offend people, not to speak badly about them, not to judge a person superficially, not to be arrogant, gu.e.mi, arrogant, conceited and biased. He also warns against mistakes: «run away flatterers», at the same time, calling to rely on selfless people.
A whole series of advice from P.P. Konovnitsyn concerns military issues, because. the lot of most of the great princes was the army. It should be especially noted that Pyotr Petrovich advises Nikolai and Mikhail to prefer peace to war:
«but if you have to fight, then you need to “pay with yourself”, bring “your service to the fatherland, even if it costs life itself”.
P.P. Konovnitsyn is a wonderful document, which outlines the author’s highly moral pedagogical principles. Therefore, it was not surprising that P.P. Konovnitsyn, then the director of all military educational institutions, where the future officer corps was trained.
For more than a quarter of a century, P.P. Konovnitsyn was in the ranks. Moreover, he had to serve and fight at one of the most critical and rich in historical events time. As he wrote himself, over the years of service, «he was in actual battles of various kinds in the 47s.»
From the memoirs of a colleague P.P. Konovnitsyn in 1812 by Eugene of Württemberg about his services to the Fatherland:
“He stopped the terrible onslaught of the enemies on August 6 near Smolensk, at the Malakhov Gates; Without him, Smolensk would not have survived. After receiving a wound by Prince Bagration in Borodino, he took command of the left wing of the army and kept the most stubborn desire of the enemies in this most important place. When he was appointed general on duty, he put in order the affairs of the army, representing complete chaos, and fought in the ensuing battles, managing the name of Kutuzov. He led columns to the most dangerous places and animated them, and he was the first to throw himself into the fire in Tarutin, Maly Yaroslavets, Vyazma and Krasny and decide the victory.
A separate place in my idea of the hero of my novel is occupied by repeated references to L.N. Tolstoy in his epic War and Peace. He devoted many good, warm words to Konovnitsyn, and painted a living image of the hero and general, as a simple person honestly doing his duty:
“… always was where it was most difficult; always slept with the door open since he was appointed general on duty, ordering each sent one to wake himself up, he was always under fire during the battle, so that Kutuzov reproached him for that and was afraid to send him, and was one of those inconspicuous gears who, without crackling or making noise, they constitute the most essential part of the machine.
My friends, read again the novel «War and Peace», find yourself in that noble time and feel your involvement in the fate of the heroes of Russia, because we are their continuation.
It is with difficulty that I stop quoting, retelling and sharing with you, my readers, those facts from history that so touched the imagination of the girl Lena in childhood and which, today, have become part of my life and have integrated harmoniously into my picture of the world.
I will sum up, and I will try to list everything that my girl chose, suitable and valuable for herself from a whole bunch of merits of the personality of Pyotr Petrovich Konovnitsyn.
The main thing is the attitude to business: professionalism, diligence, honesty, decency, patriotism, decisiveness, self-control, nobility, courage, the habit of taking on the task assigned and doing it well, everything that has been started is brought to the end, take a hit.
In relation to people — nobility, honesty, seriousness, exactingness, humanity, humanity, kindness, simplicity, restraint, the ability to forgive, faith in the good beginning of any person, the ability to be grateful.
In relation to the family — love, gentleness, sincerity, care, tenderness, fidelity, warmth, care and, along with this, strict upbringing, discipline, training, accustoming to order and work.
His life is like a bright star in the dark sky, his name is on every wall in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior, and although I am imperfect and far from my wonderful ancestor, but at the moments of my life, when it is necessary to make a choice and show the determination of a warrior, I see before me his courageous and noble face, and I go forward.
Well, now, let’s turn to the topic of relations between the Konovnitsyns — after all, for a woman, this is a touch on the most intimate and very important issue. And what do we see? There is already a completely different image of a brave hero. Before us is a loving husband, a gentle caring father, a zealous host and a kind Christian.
You don’t have to invent anything, everything can be seen from the letters, in every word there is love, sincerity, anxiety and tenderness. Inextricable connection with the family, caring for each other, a touching attitude towards children, somehow naturally intertwined with feelings for the fate of the motherland. Look, as if along with the responsibility for the family and their children, they take care of the whole of Russia. It seems that this is the real, correct attitude to life and building a family, here is an example of harmonious relations between parents and children. Everything is transparent, honest and understandable, without psychology.
It may seem to you that I am exaggerating and idealizing the Konovnitsyns, but believe me, I saw traces of their love: in the family church of the Kyarov estate, where their graves are nearby, in the overgrown garden planted by their hands, in letters and in old family photographs.
And then, in childhood, for the girl Lena, the letters of the Konovnitsyns (most of which, fortunately, have been preserved) are a real love story, touching, exciting and inspiring! And how she dreamed of building her destiny according to the same rules — once and for all her life!
One can argue about how right it was for her to strive for this ideal in everything, at a completely different time and in a completely different country, but the dream of this was undoubtedly useful to her.
And I continue the story.
Already after the death of Pyotr Petrovich, the family found itself in the maelstrom of the events of the December uprising. Two of the sons were directly involved in the uprising — this is Peter (in December 1825 he was 15 years old) and Ivan. Both were punished by the tsarist authorities — they were demoted and exiled by soldiers to the Caucasus, where they proved to be brave warriors, served with honor and rose to the ranks of officers. All this time, their mother, Anna Ivanovna, was their support and support. She constantly wrote warm letters to them, went into exile with them, defended the interests of the Decembrists at court, sent parcels and money, and always strengthened them with faith and hope. Once, during the investigation of the December uprising, she bribed a gendarme in order to seize letters proving the guilt of Ivan’s friend. The letters were redeemed, the friend remained free, and the gendarme, then, more than once, helped the Decembrists imprisoned in the fortress.
She did not condemn, did not turn away, did not fall into suffering — she supported them in deed until the end of her days.
In their words, her love, attention and constant help was a source of strength and hope.
Where did she find optimism, faith and hope for her children? Where did you get the courage to enter into negotiations with the authorities again and again?
After all, Anna Ivanovna from the tips of her nails to the last hair is a representative of the nobility, a smart, educated woman, an adherent of royal power. Of course, she understood all the danger, ill-conceivedness and doom of participation in this uprising of her sons and son-in-law. But when the hour of trials came, she was able to understand, forgive, accept their principles and stand by their side. A deep, real feeling of love for children, embodied in life, causes respect and a desire to bow before her maternal feat.
Chapter 2. Elizabeth
And now another true story of their family, which influenced the formation and upbringing of the girl Lena and influenced my life.
The story will be about the daughter of the Konovnitsyns — Elizabeth, to whose lot the fate of the Decembrist’s wife fell.
A wise artist, he saw something in the eyes of the countess crumbs …
A wedding… a guarded husband… and a sad destiny… a dark blue gaze…
Abandoned secular life young maid of honor …
Follow the darling to Siberia on a moonless night.
In the family, Elizabeth was an adored child; the girl grew up in luxury, all her desires and whims were always fulfilled. She wrote:
“From the age of twelve, I had my own room, a circumstance that at first glance seems unimportant, but it shaped my character and prepared it for the crises that I experienced during my life. I used to focus my attention on myself, to have my own will, to have my own opinion.
For the young Elizaveta Konovnitsyna, the heroes of the Patriotic War of 1812, such as her father, military general Pyotr Petrovich Konovnitsyn, were the ideal.
Elizabeth was surrounded by rich and influential relatives who identified the young girl as a lady-in-waiting to Empress Maria Feodorovna.
In August 1824, Elizaveta Petrovna married Colonel of the Life Guards of the Izmailovsky Regiment Mikhail Naryshkin, the future Decembrist, and Emperor Alexander I himself ordered by his decree to give the maid of honor 12 thousand USD as a dowry.
Her husband, Mikhail Naryshkin, comes from one of the wealthiest families in Moscow. He fought in the war with the French, quickly made a career, receiving a new rank almost every year, and already in December 1823 he became a colonel. When Elizabeth’s parents agreed to the marriage of their beloved daughter with a brilliant officer, they did not assume that the future son-in-law was in the Northern Society of the Decembrists, and the young spouses would have to live peacefully and happily for only a little over a year, and then the December Uprising of 1825 would happen. Mikhail Naryshkin was arrested and taken to the Peter and Paul Fortress in St. Petersburg. In February 1827 M.M. Naryshkin, sentenced to eight years of hard labor, went to Siberia in stages.
Elizaveta Petrovna received an excellent education, played the piano, sang, drew, spoke foreign languages, had everything, but she, without a doubt, left the comfortable world at the imperial court and shared his fate with her husband. Nothing could stop Elizabeth in her desire to quickly go to Siberia after him. The departure of the Decembrists’ wives to Siberia was subject to harsh conditions:
«A wife, following her husband and continuing marital relations with him … will lose her former title, i.e. will be recognized only as the wife of a convict… Children who take root in Siberia will become state factory peasants… It is forbidden to take money, things with you. With the departure to the Nerchinsk Territory, the right to serfs who arrived with them is destroyed … «.
Elizaveta Petrovna, without hesitation, accepted these cruel conditions.
No matter how hard it was for her mother, Anna Ivanovna, to part with her daughter, she agreed to her departure, realizing that her daughter could not violate the loyalty to duty brought up in her. Anna Ivanovna warmly and cordially saw off her daughter.
In early August 1827, Elizaveta Petrovna arrived in Chita. Then it was a village, consisting of eighteen houses, with a prison, where the Decembrists were originally placed. Here, behind the palisade that surrounded the prison, she saw Naryshkin, changed, with a beard, in shackles, and lost consciousness. On August 12, 1827, Elizaveta Petrovna wrote to her mother:
«Dear, beloved mother! I arrived here on the 4th and only yesterday got a date. I do not describe it, because your heart will understand everything that our hearts have felt. Michel passes by me every day, but I dare not approach him. And all this in circumstances where he would especially need support. I do not tell you about how he endures his lot, because you know his soul well and will never change your feelings for him.
Thus began the twenty-year exile of Countess Elizaveta Konovnitsyna. And this noble lady, a recent maid of honor, absolutely not adapted to everyday life, had to learn how to cook food, go for water, heat the stove, cut firewood and put samovars for the Decembrists.
Polina Annenkova, the wife of the exiled Decembrist, speaks of her like this:She riveted everyone to her with her boundless kindness and extraordinary nobility of character.
In the photo you see the Naryshkins’ house in Chita. Since 1968, it has been the library named after M.M. Naryshkin and E.P. Naryshkina.
Yevgeny Obolensky, one of the main participants in the events of December 14, would later say:
«It is difficult to express what the ladies, the companions of their husbands, were for us, in fairness they can be called sisters of mercy, who took care of us, like close relatives, whose presence everywhere and always poured into us vigor, spiritual strength, and the consolation with which we owe them, it is impossible to explain in words «.
Ladies were allowed to meet with husbands only 2 times a week. But there were gaps in the palisade through which it was possible to talk to the prisoners. At first, the soldiers of the guard chased the ladies from the fence, but then they began to look at this liberty through their fingers. Elizaveta Petrovna daily came to the fence with a chair, sat down and talked with her husband, and this communication greatly brightened up his life.
There, at hard labor in Chita in 1830, the Naryshkin family, the first of the nobility, took up a seven-month-old peasant girl, the orphan Ulyana Chupyatova. They raised her, gave her an education, married her to one of the representatives of the Denis Davydov family, considered her children their grandchildren and always helped her in everything.
Here are some good deeds.
After serving hard labor, Naryshkin was transferred to the city of Kurgan. Here is what N. Lorer, the author of the Notes of the Decembrist, wrote about life in the settlement in Kurgan:
«The Naryshkin family were true benefactors of the whole region. Both of them, both husband and wife, helped the poor, treated and gave medicine to the sick with their own money, and often, in spite of any weather, Naryshkin took a priest with him and traveled around the villages to give the last Christian consolation to the dying. Their yard on Sundays was usually full of people, who were given food, clothes and money.
Often ordinary people, blessed by the Naryshkins, in their simplicity said: “Why are such glorious people exiled to Siberia? After all, they are saints, and such we have not yet seen.
Siberia still remembers their names, remembers and appreciates the contribution that they made to the development of this region. In Kurgan, in the house where Mikhail and Elizaveta Naryshkin lived in 1975, a museum of the Decembrists was opened. On Fridays, musical evenings are held there, following the example of those distant evenings at which Elizaveta Petrovna sang and played for the exiled Decembrists.
Four Kurgan years have passed. In the summer of 1837, “as a token of mercy,” a group of exiles, including Naryshkin, was transferred as privates to the Separate Caucasian Corps.
Elizabeth was allowed to visit her family. And in October 1837, after 10 years of separation, she met with her beloved mother, brothers, and other relatives in her childhood home — the Kyarovo estate:
“This will forever be a memorable day for me, because on this day I saw my dear family. I enjoyed all sorts of caresses that were wasted on me, I was surrounded by love and cares, I was happy, but this is what prompts me to go to the Caucasus as soon as possible, because happiness, not shared with my old, kind husband, is not complete for me..
And she followed him again. The path to return to their native places now lay through the Caucasus. Mikhail Mikhailovich’s main desire was to retire. For this, either an officer’s rank was needed, or a severe wound. Under one of these conditions, you can submit a letter of resignation, and it will be decided in St. Petersburg. In the meantime, the couple began to settle down in a new place.
Elizaveta Petrovna herself described her difficult life in the Strong Trench in a letter to the Decembrist Brigen in March 1841:
«Just think — the cold does not want to leave us. How tired I am of living constantly among all these squalls that catch me on the way, both literally and figuratively.
In 1843, the former colonel Naryshkin, at the age of forty-five (!) was awarded the rank of ensign. By the highest order on March 29, 1844, Mikhail Mikhailovich was dismissed from the service, and they returned.
Fate will give them almost twenty years of peaceful life. Mikhail Mikhailovich will take an active part in the preparation and implementation of the peasant reform of 1861. The dreams of youth came true, serfdom was abolished, the freedom of the common people became a reality. This inspired and delighted the Decembrists.
Those of them who returned from exile maintained warm relations and loyalty to friendship until the end of their lives. Extensive correspondence, material assistance to those in need, trips to each other and joint trips connected them more tightly than family ties.
And everywhere the Naryshkins are together. Their relationship was characterized by endless warmth, affection and devotion. When Mikhail Mikhailovich passed away in January 1863, the Decembrist E. Obolensky in his obituary noted:
«…He entered into marriage with Countess Elizaveta Petrovna Konovnitsyna, and in her he found that fullness of sympathy, which in life is expressed by complete harmony — and aspirations, and life goals, and hopes, and desires. Many, many years passed in this cordial union. And the Caucasus with its formidable strongholds, and Siberia with its deserts, everywhere they were together, and everywhere their heart life, making up for the shortcomings of one with the fullness of the other, was expressed in pure love, reflected in the whole order of life. We are left to marvel at the exploits of these people, this woman.”
And now, already her place in history is just as significant and known to the Russian people as the place of the hero of the father, and at the mention of the military general, Count Konovnitsyn, now, you can find an explanation:
«He was the father of Elizaveta Naryshkina, the wife of a Decembrist, who, among eleven women, followed her husband into exile in Siberia.».
Well, this is where my story ends, about a woman who devoted her life to her husband, who went through thousands of tests for loyalty, courage, patience and hardship. I hope her image will touch your heart with a sense of recognition and respect. Or maybe, having become acquainted today with the history of her life, you, my dear reader, will open the pages of the Internet and plunge into the endless nobility of those people and their destinies. Believe me, there is something to learn, be surprised and admire!
For the girl Lena, at her 13-15 years old, Elizabeth became a model of a woman who, for the sake of love, can change herself and her whole world. I read her letters to my mother from palace Petersburg, and then from the cell of the Chita casemate, where she went to live with her husband by the highest permission of the emperor.
These are two different people, but they have the same heart!
The fate of Elizaveta Konovnitsyna has become for me a benchmark for comparison and a hint when choosing:
To be faithful to duty, to her husband, to a promise? — Be.
To follow her husband to a remote garrison, a distant land? — Drive.
Give birth, educate, work, run a household? — Do everything.
Wait from the war, write letters, pray, hope? — Undoubtedly.
Love, suffer, rejoice, try? — Certainly.
To endure, to accept, to forgive? — Necessarily.
Develop, change, learn, never give up? Yes, a total YES!
Believe, pray and act? – Always, everywhere and in everything!
Chapter 3
My next character was much closer to me in time, was real, lively and warm, but a clear reflection of noble birth brought some kind of fabulous note to the image of my grandmother, Countess Natalia Konovnitsyna.
Almost every summer, I lived with my grandparents in the city of Baku. These are special pages of my childhood. Oriental flavor, hot air that smelled of the sea, a large mysterious apartment behind dark shutters. Windows that are open at night and tightly closed during the day, keeping the night cool. In a place of honor is a huge oak table with carved patterns and chiselled massive legs. By the window there is an old secretary made of mahogany, unique handmade with inlay and numerous drawers upholstered in velvet, corner cabinets and bookcases, a carved clock with a bewitching, booming chime and a large, full-length old painting «The Old Man in a Black Beret» — all these items furnishings of the count’s house. Getting into the atmosphere of the Baku apartment, I automatically fell into the fantastic world of my grandmother and somewhere on a subtle level, there were changes in my mind, mood and behavior.
It was always interesting and unpredictable to communicate with grandmother Natasha. She spared no time for us: we walked a lot, played, built models of cities and houses from matchboxes and paper, went to the shore of the Caspian Sea, went to the zoo to feed animals and look at peacocks on the boulevard, just traveled on foot through the beautiful city of Baku , the city of my childhood. In the house, in turn, lived: fish, rabbits, hamsters, cats, chicks, turtles — it was our adult duty to take care of them. Grandmother gave us, grandchildren, a lot of time and attention, she was kind and caring, but for some reason I was embarrassed by her. As if I felt my inconsistency with some standards and rules unknown to me. In my home environment, I was a very active and noisy child, but in the presence of my grandmother, I became quiet and more serious. From her came the energy of calmness, restraint and … patience. I have never heard my grandmother scream, I have not seen irritation or anger, she communicated with us with her eyes and in a quiet, kind voice, and this magical method immediately achieved its goal. A tall, slender figure, always in a perfectly fitted dark dress with a white collar, an absolutely straight back and a proudly planted head, gray, white, white soft hair, put in a bun at the back of the head, a soft smile and kind blue eyes — that’s how I got to know the outside kind of feminine dignity.
Before the revolution, their large family (five children) lived on their estate in the Tula province. My great-grandfather Ivan Nikolaevich was a member of the noble assembly from the Efremov district and was a trustee of public education. He created a school for the children of peasants, in which he taught himself and my great-grandmother Lyubov Mikhailovna Konovnitsyna. Their three daughters were educated in Moscow, in a boarding house for noble maidens, the boys, according to the tradition of the Konovnitsyn family, became military men, they were pilots.
The revolution of 1917 destroyed the established peaceful life of the family and scattered them throughout the country. The sons supported the Soviet government and served in the Red Army, but in the twenties they were arrested and shot. Fearing reprisals, my grandmother and her sister, Aunt Sonya, separated the parental couple and went to different parts: my grandmother and Lyubov Mikhailovna left for Baku, and Aunt Sonya and Ivan Nikolaevich went to the Moscow region. Grandmother’s parents were destined to live apart, until their death, and they only wrote letters to each other every three days, all their lives!
In 1988, my mother visited the Konovnitsyn estate in the Tula region. There she met her grandmother, who was the daughter of their groom. This very elderly woman told her mother how the peasants loved the Konovnitsyns, how they treated and taught their children, how grateful peasants saved them from arsonists in the first years of the revolution. Today, the foundations of two houses, overgrown ponds and two old orchards have been preserved there.
Grandmother Natasha herself spoke little and rarely about her past life, probably fearing for her children and grandchildren. She was under the supervision of the authorities for many years, and in my mother’s birth certificate there is an ominous stamp of the NKVD.
The only thing she told us was about the years of her studies in a boarding house. Education was serious: mathematics, Russian, history, literature, geography, French and German, which she was fluent in, housekeeping, painting, music, etiquette, dancing, needlework. Religious knowledge was also instilled there, habits were developed: to keep posture, walk beautifully, sit down, curtsy and look impeccable.
In Baku, my grandmother married my grandfather, gave birth to my mother and her brother Anatoly, and lived a long life, devoting it to her family and the people who surrounded her.
For as long as I can remember, Grandmother Natasha thought up for us not only useful, but also extraordinarily interesting activities. It didn’t occur to her to be lazy.
Little Lena left a huge impression from the experience of hatching chickens on a battery, under her grandmother’s strict guidance. We measured the temperature every 4 hours for 21 days, warmed or ventilated the eggs, watched the first black spots appear on the shell, then cracks, and then, “Oh, miracle!”, chickens hatched. How important and happy we were, because all the responsibility for this fragile life lay with my brother and me!
I vividly remember how all the numerous relatives gathered for my grandmother’s dinners. She fed the guests borscht from a beautiful count’s tureen with silver utensils. Today I have two such spoons with the royal coat of arms and the NK monogram. Our grandson Imran loves to eat with these spoons. At the same time, he recalls Pyotr Petrovich Konovnitsyn, whom he knows from photographs and our stories.
The count’s origin did not prevent her grandmother from constantly and tirelessly working. She had magic hands, which, equally deftly knew how to sew, embroider, mend shoes, cook, bake, bleach, paint, make, and repair everything. Grandmother worked at a boarding school for deaf and dumb children, taught foreign languages, and ran a subsidiary poultry farm. The children loved her very much, and she gave them a lot of her time and energy. On weekends, they often visited us, and she fed them homemade, delicious food. Her youth club was twice represented in Moscow at VDNKh.
She was an outstanding, kind and very interesting person, she lived up to 84 years and left a mark in many hearts.
Thank you my grandmother!
Chapter 4
Finally, we reached the cell of Soviet society — my family.
The family in which Lena Zyryanova was born and raised was formed in 1956. Mom Olga Viktorovna and dad Alexander Petrovich lived in the city of Baku, met at the age of 17 and studied at the same technical school (mind you, also from a young age and for life). Today they are 80 years old, thank God they are alive and well, their family life is 57 years old. I have a younger sister, Galina, who, in turn, is also raising three daughters.
My parents lived a difficult, eventful life. Both are interesting, each in their own way, and their union is a combination of deep, independent, independent personalities, connected by understanding, warmth and care for each other.
Dad is an insatiable reader, his range of interests is wide and varied. He knows EVERYTHING: world history, military affairs, biographies of great commanders, dates of all wars, revolutions and dynasties in different countries, architecture, history of Russia and the whole world, geography, economics, politics, literature, physics, chemistry, mathematics, etc. etc.
We come to him for advice on all issues, and every time he surprises us with his wisdom and insight. It monitors all political events in the world, predicts economic changes and helps us lay eggs in baskets correctly. During perestroika, it was thanks to his advice that we successfully disposed of our funds, and this brought us material stability.
His credo in life is to do business, because nothing brings greater happiness than an honestly fulfilled duty. He is strict, but fair, and his authority as the head of the family is unshakable.
Mom, tireless worker, traveler, public figure, eternal student and researcher of the Konovnitsyn family, to which she belongs on the maternal side.
Today she is a member of the noble assembly, actively participates in the preservation and restoration of the Konovnitsyn family tomb — the Church of the Intercession in the village of Kyarovo, Pskov region, searches for new materials from the life of all branches of this family, maintains contact with other descendants in Russia and abroad, conducts educational work in schools with speeches about the war of 1812 and the role of P.P. Konovnitsyna in it, still works as a guide to the cities of the Golden Ring, an active computer user, cook, skier and author of poems. For me, my mother is a model of a woman, mistress, wife, mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. Her dignity is immediately guessed: in her gaze, in her gait, in her posture, in lifting her head, in her smile, in her manner of communicating and in the extraordinary energy coming from her. She is always ready to respond and help people. Her responsiveness is combined with a mild but rigorous demand for respect for her personality, the ability to sacrifice her interests, intertwined with the art of defending her own boundaries, ease and respect in accepting new ideas, do not allow her to deviate one iota from her ideals.
Since childhood, I understood that my mother gives the lion’s share of her time and energy to us, her children, infringing on herself in many ways. She always tried to understand me, always supported, protected and trusted me. This unconditional love and faith in my strengths, abilities, in my exclusivity helped a lot in difficult moments. This faith helps me even now. Her words: “This too will pass, everything will be fine, you will manage, God will not leave you, you are a good girl!” gave me confidence and peace of mind. Thank God, this strong rear is behind me today!
But back to my childhood. Our house was open to numerous friends and girlfriends. Mom arranged children’s parties for us, often took us on excursions to historical places, took us to theaters, to exhibitions, on weekends we went out into nature: in winter on skis, in summer to the river or to the forest for mushrooms. The older I got, the more careful I was about moments of intimacy with my mother. And in cases of clashes and confrontations with the adult world, mother, more often, took our side, listened, understood the situation, tried to understand and support. This ability to listen to a person is like a talent given by God, which makes communication desirable and enjoyable.
Such a wise position of hers, somehow, in itself gave rise to responsibility and fear of not justifying her trust. There was no thought to ask for too much, to refuse to help around the house, to study poorly, to deceive, to do something unworthy, dishonest.
This is how my mother developed decency, independence, responsibility and discipline in us.
From the height of my venerable age, again and again I recognize my mother’s upbringing as correct, take an example from her and thank you for your love and faith!
Chapter 5. Our children
And now, from the example of my upbringing, I will move on to describing the process of raising our daughters, already in my own family created in 1978.
I approached the building of marital relations already with the baggage of experience captured from older generations, trying on the precious stones of the necklace, which are the basis of female dignity.
Here, I sit and remember how I built the structure of family relationships, taking into account those old drawings folded in my memory.
A respectful attitude towards her husband, not allowing screaming, showdowns, tantrums (you can cry). The main motto that guided me, even in the most difficult cases, was the slogan: “Always, only for good!”. The main goals are to be close to her husband, to be interesting, necessary, beautiful, slim, spectacular, desirable, kind, soft, wise, economic, organized and loved.
Speaking of harmony: all four times after giving birth she recovered greatly, the third time she weighed 90 kg, the fourth time 98 kg. I lost weight in six months, following a strict diet and doing daily exercises in a plastic bag.
Without hesitation, she went after her husband, first to the closed Polish garrison, with two children, then to South Kazakhstan, to the city of Dzhambul. There, she accompanied her husband to the Afghan war, and for a year she managed herself with the children, with the household, with work. I wrote letters, almost every day, I was worried, proud and waited, and then rejoiced.
Then the weekdays of service went on for him: flights, classes, duty at Baikonur, business trips, exercises, outfits, participation in the liquidation of the Chernobyl accident, and for me: work, schools, kindergarten, lessons, household chores, the birth of the third, and then the fourth daughter , just like everyone else. But in the meantime: youth, joy, meeting friends, hiking in the mountains, fishing, organizing regimental holidays, a swimming pool, and on vacation — always traveling. Everything in the family is clear and precise: my husband was a reliable stronghold and protection, I was responsible for a strong rear, and a home.
This year, the command of our legendary helicopter regiment organized a meeting of fellow soldiers in the city of Torzhok, dedicated to the fortieth anniversary of the regiment and the twentieth anniversary of its withdrawal from Kazakhstan. We experienced incredible emotions — so many memories, joy, tears and a strong feeling that life has not been lived in vain!
I think that these were the happiest years, filled with a deep sense of fulfillment of civic and matrimonial duty, love, sincerity, fidelity and friendship. It was not hard for me, there were wonderful people around and the atmosphere of a military camp, where everyone is connected by a common spirit of brotherhood, help and support for each other.
Life flows, sets new tasks, brings trials and demands changes. A lot has happened in the last 20 years…
But, even today, a feeling of happiness lives in me, because I live, next to me are relatives and close people, and friends, and our home, and my plans and achievements, and most importantly, our girls.
Four daughters are a common concern and joy.
Now let’s talk about their upbringing.
The first thing I advise you to start educating girls with is TRAINING. Education versatile and diverse, theoretical and practical, intellectual and spiritual, all and different. Teaching a girl to learn is already a matter of great importance, and instilling in her a love of learning is a real success, a chance for her to become the author of her life.
From early childhood, teach the little woman to learn.
In our family, we taught our daughters everything that we knew how to do ourselves and gave to learn everything that we did not own. All four graduated from high school with advanced knowledge of the English language. The eldest daughter is now getting her second higher education at MGIMO, and her three-year-old son and my grandson already speak English. I’m not boasting, honestly, I admire it.
In parallel, they graduated from a music school. Let no one become a professional musician, but there are no more beautiful evenings when they sing together to the accompaniment of their father’s guitar.
Our whole large family went in for sports, tourism, traveled.
And today, we lead an active lifestyle: running, swimming in winter and summer, football, volleyball, badminton, cycling, aerobics, exercises in the morning, yoga, dancing, sauna, prou.e. — the priorities are different, but the direction is the same — movement and cheerfulness. Teach the girl to DO SPORTS — this is the basis of her health.
One of the most important points in home education, of course, is HOMEWORK TRAINING — this is our mandatory program.
At home, each of the daughters had her own personal responsibilities. And all together they were accustomed to help me with the housework. Moreover, the most complex household chores became simple for us and ended quickly and cheerfully. We have done a lot and are making preparations for the winter: pickles, jams, mushrooms, juices, salads and all sorts of other tasty and healthy natural supplies. And every time it is an occasion to get together and work together — joyfully and with pleasure. Just as quickly and amicably, we carry out large cleanings, subbotniks on the site, preparation and reception of guests, of which we have many. What would I do without my girls — I have no idea!
Hence one more conclusion for adult daughters — give birth to more children, this is your destiny, this is your joy, hope and support.
When our girls were growing up, I bathed in an atmosphere of mutual assistance and family warmth. I have always relied on them for everything. The elders worked with the younger ones: at first they rocked, walked, fed, then they played, taught, helped to explore the world, and now they just live with the confidence that it is worth asking for help from the family, and it will immediately come.
Thank God, the system, launched since childhood, continues to work smoothly.
I think that the relations that have developed between us and the multilateral development of girls is a guarantee of their preparedness for real life, our common achievement and wealth. Those skills and rules that were instilled in them from childhood help today and give confidence to build tomorrow.
I can, I can, which means I DARE.
Accordingly, the more knowledge and practical skills we invest in a girl, the stronger and more solid will be the support of her dignity. The more confident she will be able to rely on herself.
And now let’s turn to the DEVELOPMENT OF THE HIGHEST QUALITIES of the girl.
It is very important to teach her to trust the world and the people around her. To bestow kindness, mercy, love and gratefully accept the same gifts from humanity. The ability to be open and friendly will give her a willingness to be happy, to accept real life events as stages of growth, to believe that «ALL FOR THE BEST, EVERYTHING HAPPENS ON TIME, THE WORLD IS FOR US!», and other positive attitudes. It is from this state to make decisions, be responsible for your choice and follow it. At the same time, it is important to instill in her a sense of her own importance and individuality, to inspire faith in a happy future and hope for the help of the Almighty.
Tell them more warm and tender words, they are vital for girls!
Now ABOUT SAFETY and the possibility of a collision with negative reality. The duties of the educator (primarily parents) include an indispensable condition to warn the girl, and later the girl, that she is responsible for her own safety. In simple words, without whipping up horror and fear, calmly talk about the fact that you can’t talk to strangers, you can’t recklessly trust those you don’t know, you shouldn’t open the door to the first person you meet. I gave my daughters the sad example of Little Red Riding Hood. She explained that people can deceive and in such cases it is necessary to protect their personal boundaries.
Let’s go further. Let’s take such necessary feminine qualities as PATIENCE, HUMILITY and OBEDIENCE. Fine jewelry for women’s necklaces. They also need to be brought up in a girl.
Patience is born in moments of culinary creativity, when knitting and embroidering, as well as when learning to play musical instruments and doing homework.
Humility comes when a respected and significant person speaks to a girl, in moments of prayer, in contact with art and with the wonders of nature.
Obedience is built into her character when communicating with parents, grandparents, with the tireless proclamation of the rule of obedience, as a family law.
Then, in her life, these qualities will certainly help in her personal life, in a work team and just in everyday communication with people.
Another precious feminine quality is the ABILITY TO CARE. A diamond shining with soft light. It is from this character trait that the ability to love naturally grows later, from here femininity and readiness for motherhood also grow. Through a request to help with the housework, babysit younger children, feed and walk with pets, pour tea for parents, visit grandparents — this art of caring, taking responsibility will come.
And of course, a hundred-carat diamond is Awareness of YOUR ATTRACTIVENESS. This includes beauty, and harmony and royal posture with a light gait, and the ability to dress beautifully, later — the art of makeup and hairstyle, and much more that will give the girl an awareness of her uniqueness. Dad plays a big role in developing these qualities. He is the first man in her life. His compliments are worth their weight in gold, his praise is her main goal, her father’s approval and admiration is the best confirmation of her irresistibility. It is her father’s attitude that will become the bulwark of her self-esteem.
So, we already have a very educated, but at the same time lively girl. Let her then choose her own path and determine the necessary qualities that she wants to add to her character.
My eldest daughter Yulia went to study as a veterinarian, and her hobby was the modeling school. This choice led her to a strict diet, a serious attitude to her and our health appeared, her walk, posture, makeup became beautiful, she began to dress stylishly.
The second daughter Galya embarked on the path of the religion of Islam. And there was a demand for one’s own morality, the fulfillment of prescriptions in behavior, communication with people, the need to comply with the laws prescribed for Muslims. I can say with firm certainty that any religion makes a person better, purer and more honest. On this road, my daughter found herself and her happiness.
The third daughter Alina received the profession of a lawyer, but so far she is interested in many things: art, dancing, psychology, training, family history, and other areas of development. We parents will have to wait until she chooses her path.
The fourth daughter Elmira received a diploma in economics, but is still in search of her destiny.
I believe that every daughter has an inner core. They are ready for life. Their golden thread of feminine dignity is already adorned with many beautiful and necessary qualities. This means that everything will be fine, the Lord is near, life is beautiful and they will solve their creative problems and will be useful and needed by people!
Behind them is our love, the strength of the family, firm faith, fidelity to principles and feminine dignity, which must be carried like a banner, because this is what they have. We raised him when they were girls!
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.