Raising a boy

Boys and girls are different from the start. Girls from childhood prefer to play with dolls, outfits and relationships, boys are more interested in cars, construct something and fight. You can, of course, raise a girl from a boy, but why? Probably, from a boy it is worth raising a man. A real man. But what is needed for this? How to do this, given that today there are a lot of like men, weak-willed, irresponsible and indecisive, ready to throw all the problems on women’s shoulders?

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​A man does not grow out of a boy on his own, and maternal love alone is not enough to form masculine traits in a boy. A boy grows up as a man when he 1) sees a model of male behavior next to him, 2) when he is brought up like a man, according to “male patterns”, and 3) when he is brought up as a man, not a rag.

At least they make a boy out of him, not a girl. The child is shaped by culture, and if we want a child to grow into a boy and not a girl, our boys must have boyish clothes and not girlish clothes and boyish and not girlish activities and entertainment.

Unfortunately, today many fathers have a poor idea of ​​how to raise a son. Books that emphasize the need for unconditional love, the danger of control, and the importance of feelings in raising a child bring up in a child not masculine, but feminine qualities. Today it is already necessary to remind what, in particular, male education is made up of.

The foundations are laid in early childhood. I am very pleased that I dunked my children in ice water from the first days of their life: they did not get sick, freely rushed around the apartment naked and experienced fewer problems due to the constant “get dressed — you will freeze!”. It is not discussed that a boy needs good sports from childhood. For a baby — baby yoga, from a year to three — a home stadium, wrestling with dad on a mat, accustoming to morning exercises.

The future man knows how to endure stress and pain. If we are raising a man, then we do not run to the baby when he fell and hit. Everything is fine: children fall, it hurts, there is no event. You don’t need to teach the little one that falling is something terrible, that any scratch is a reason to hug him and take pity on him … If the baby has hit and wants to be pitied, it means that women have already spoiled him a little. A kid who is brought up like a man does not complain about his bruises, he solves his problems himself. The future man does not cry and does not complain.

But if he really needs help, the boy will calmly approach his father or mother and ask for help. He knows that you can always count on the help of parents. But if his parents tell him that «you can handle it yourself!» — so you need to practice tying your shoelaces as much as necessary.

In further sports and spiritual development, four points are absolutely obligatory: athletics, swimming, martial arts and dancing. We emphasize that it is ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY and that this is not only sports, but also spiritual development. Your son should overtake his peers both in running and jumping, should be among the best in basketball, volleyball and swimming. Martial arts will instill in him courage in battle, self-discipline, respect for the enemy, develop in him the will and self-awareness of the future leader: he will not be among those who are constantly beaten. Moreover, the percussion techniques that are mastered in martial arts are the basis for the formation of the skills of a leader and an entrepreneur in it. It is from athletes that a large number of the most successful business people come out, and the choice of sports for a guy is laying the foundation for his future personal qualities.

As for dancing, it is also an obligatory part of the education of an officer in the army of any country. Firstly, dancing is a different form of sport, and it is not an easy sport: keeping your posture, not lowering your elbows, feeling your partner and hearing music is not an easy task. But it is dances that complete the sport to beauty and gallantry, bring up a future attentive gentleman from a boy, not only a dork and a male. It is dancing that will form your son’s format: the wonderful basis of his success and his self-control, the basis of his self-discipline. About what a format is and why a man without it is not a man, read for example here …

At the same time, it is clear that the future man is not formed by dancing and sports.

The future man is not a coward. He is not afraid to fall asleep alone in a dark room, he is not afraid to stand up for his own, and even more so for a girl, he is not afraid. He is called brave and courageous. This does not mean that he is not familiar with the feeling of fear, it means that a man can be stronger than his «I’m afraid — I’m not afraid» and can be guided by the concept of male duty. Your son’s vocabulary should not contain the words «I’m afraid» or «I’m scared», there should only be a joint reflection with you: «is this business worth such risks or not.»

That is why the future man is not a cocky rooster and not a reckless comrade who is easy to “take on weakly” and who often, for the sake of thrills, is ready to risk unnecessarily: this is stupidity and irresponsibility. A man does not have the right to risk himself in vain, a man is brought up not to have his father pay for his stupid exploits, or, moreover, to mourn his senseless death by his mother. A real man is one who knows how to be stronger than his boiling blood, who knows how to be guided by reason, not feelings.

The ability to be guided by reason, not feelings, is the most important moment in raising a boy. Guessing games and “it seems” are not accepted, in solving any problem we require creativity and logic, in any issue we train a lively critical mind. A man without a head is not a man. We always demand prudence, without reference to difficult, scary and carried away: the future man must be cold-blooded, his mind is not clouded by emotions, this is realism, consistency and purposefulness. «Why do you say that? Why did you decide so? Your son should be able to think and be able to justify his decisions.

But not only to justify, but also to be responsible for the consequences of their decisions, independently assigning a fee for non-fulfillment or erroneousness of their decisions. To do this, accustom your son to the questions: “Are you ready to take responsibility for the consequences of your decision? How exactly do you answer?»

A man is reliability, decency and responsibility. Therefore, from a very early age, we categorically wean our son from the position of the Victim: complaints, talk about circumstances, unhappy eyes and references “But others …” are not accepted. «Don’t refer to others! You are responsible for yourself!» — It was this commandment from my father that I remembered from childhood.

Also, talk about problems is not accepted: all “problems” are replaced by setting tasks, and tasks are formulated not about feelings, but about behavior. “Well, if there is a mood”, “I don’t know …” “Well, somehow …” — it doesn’t roll. Take it or not. And if you don’t take it, then who should do it instead of you? We teach from childhood: «A man said — a man did.» I gave my word — keep it, but before you speak — think. The ability to make quick and at the same time balanced decisions, to take responsibility is a masculine trait.

The future man must ironically learn: the elders take care of the younger ones, and the younger ones obey the elders. To decipher this formula, let’s start with «obey». The ability to pull yourself together, obedience, self-discipline — an indispensable part in the upbringing of the future man. A real leader differs from ordinary employees primarily in that he has self-discipline: in particular, he can form a difficult plan for himself and obey his own plan. An ordinary employee needs a push outside — so this is not quite a man. A real man is able to organize himself: he gives himself a task and is capable of what he has planned for himself — to subordinate himself.

However, the older, stronger one is the one who is responsible for the younger and weaker ones. He does not take away, but protects, he does not swagger, but teaches and keeps order. The ability to be a senior is a difficult skill, where you need to learn not to shout at naughty juniors, learn to be patient in the face of their stupidity, learn to teach them, patiently and methodically accustom them to what is still difficult for them.

And all? No. When this masculine base is formed, some of the best feminine traits will suit any man: softness, delicacy, the ability to be attentive and gentle. A man gu.e.y, without education and manners, attracts not women, but women, so your son must learn to be an interesting and well-mannered person. The simplest requirement is that your son must know and be able to read ten love poems with insight. Invest in it — you won’t regret it.