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Rafael Santandreu: «We have forgotten what makes us happy because we have become more demanding»
Psychology
The psychologist Rafael Santandreu invites us to enjoy life more intensely and leave worries behind
For Rafael Santandreu, illustrious psychologist and writer of such famous and valued books as “The art of not making life bitter” or “Being happy in Alaska”, happiness is available to everyone, you just have to know how to see that it does not depend on comforts, but of stop complaining. And, after all, he’s right.
Perhaps the unhappiness of the society that surrounds us led him in 2018 to publish what until now is his last title: “Nothing is so terrible”, a complete manual of self-therapy based on the cognitive psychology, the most effective and scientific therapeutic school. The author manages not only that we leave our worries behind, he also invites us to enjoy life more intensely, and in the event that this is not achieved by our own means, we would have to “get down to business” and seek a psychological transformation with the help of a professional.
“In the same way that we go to the lawyer when we have a problem or to the mechanic when the car breaks down, we must go to an expert when the emotional aspect does not work,” says the expert in his space, and that is that the head is the main engine so that everything else goes well.
In his latest book “Nothing is so terrible” he wrote that “nobody changes by reading a book or going to the psychologist.” What process is carried out, then, so that those who want to improve can achieve it?
Psychological change needs a transformation. Many people need a kind of restructuring in their brain pathways, like a kind of cleaning, and that takes time, intensity and effort, among others, but it is worth doing that work. Our head is the central computer, and if this does not work, the rest will not go well. On the other hand, if the head works, everything else works too. Our society tends to try to cure everything with a pill, but transforming the mind is hard and intense work.
I have never told it, but there are people who come to consultation saying that psychotherapy is expensive and that they do not have money and I, on the other hand, do not think so and I usually tell them that they are very wrong. They don’t go to the psychologist because it seems expensive, but then they go on vacation. There is no investment more important than the mind. Without a healthy mind nothing else can function. It is the priority, whatever the cost.
Believe that every path leads to happiness
The human being is called to be ecstatic about life, like a dog when he goes to play at the beach, what happens is that we have forgotten everything that makes us happy because we have become more demanding. You can always regain the ability to be happy, but you have to be for the work.
Apparently nothing in life is horrible enough for you. Neither is death?
No. I prefer to think like Stephen Hawking, that even in the worst possible scenario you can still take the “iron out of it.” The psychologist Viktor Emil Frankl survived in the concentration camp and discovered that happiness does not depend on comfort.
Something like this happened to Iván, a boy whom he has been able to interview and who claims to have been happy in prison.
Ivan realized that happiness depends on stopping complaining wherever he was. In prison he made the best friends and began to see that he was even happier than when he was in full freedom.
It is curious because shortly after the book “Nothing is so Terrible” was published, a police girl wrote to me assuring me that she met him and was impressed by Iván’s way of being. She learned a lot from him because he was immensely happy in there and she had a hard time understanding why.
Due to the situation we are experiencing, it seems normal to experience breakdowns, layoffs … How should one face these situations to see the positive side?
First of all, don’t tell yourself that this situation is very bad. Suffering from a heartbreak or being fired from work is inconvenient, but not to take away our happiness. The argument is to compare what we are living now with what was lived years ago, such as wars. This, next to the situation from before, is a walk by the sea. We are fortunate that there is no war and we have to think that things could be worse. Everywhere there are opportunities. You must ask yourself the following question: “What would Stephen Hawking tell me about what I am experiencing?”
And yet there are still those who worry about “trifles” …
First, you have to understand that anyone can be neurotic, and second, you don’t have to enter into the thought dynamics of this type of person. There is a myth called the “worry myth,” an irrational belief that if you don’t worry, you won’t take care of yourself, and creating super demands on yourself is the direct path to neurosis. Perfectionism leads to it.
In my book “Being Happy in Alaska” I give five tools to avoid being carried away by the neuroses of the rest: love, humor, surrealism, say yes and leave him alone.
There is a famous phrase that says “If the problem has no solution, why bother?” Do you defend the message you convey?
This phrase is very wise. Human beings don’t have to worry about anything. There are many people who do not care about anything. If you have a solution, they get to it and enjoy it. And if it doesn’t have it, they give it up, they realize they never needed it.
Cognitive psychology teaches us to combat “needitis”, that is to know that we need very little to be well. And among other things, we do not need to solve countless things because the food and drink of the day is enough for us.
Many experts in the field criticize self-help books that sell messages of hope. What do you think?
There are many coaches with typical “believe in yourself” phrases and so on. and they seem to me infumable books. Psychologists don’t sell smoke. Still, we can’t cancel people’s voices, and while I don’t think these kinds of books work and I wouldn’t buy them, they can do some good.
About Rafael Santandreu
Rafael Santandreu is one of the most prestigious psychologists in the country. After carrying out his studies in Spain and England, he was a professor at the Ramon Llull University. Currently, he divides his work between psychotherapy with patients – his great passion – and the training of doctors and psychologists. Patients from all over the world attend his consultations in Barcelona and Madrid in person or via video call.
His books “The art of not making life bitter”, “The glasses of happiness”, “Being happy in Alaska” and “Nothing is so terrible»Have become international benchmarks in psychology.