Contents
Rafael Santandreu: “On an emotional level, living now is more difficult than ever before in human history”
Psychology
The psychologist Rafael Santandreu reveals in his work ‘Without fear’ the definitive method to overcome OCD and any irrational fear
In turbulent times in which we live surrounded by fear and uncertainty, mental health problems have increased substantially.
According to Rafael Santandreu, illustrious psychologist and author of such famous books as ‘The art of not making life bitter’, more than 20% of the population suffers from these problems; a figure that has doubled with the coronavirus pandemic.
On this occasion, and through ‘Without fear’, his latest book, reveals the definitive method to overcome panic attacks, OCD, hypochondria, and any acute irrational fear.
What are attacks of emotional imbalance?
Attacks of emotional imbalance happen when a negative emotion gets out of control and invades you to the point where you feel like you can’t handle it. Basically they are usually anxiety and sadness.
And it is emotionally uncontrolled because one has lost control and is invaded by it, it totally limits you: you can no longer enjoy life nor can you pay attention.
Are anxiety and OCD among these attacks?
Yes, anxiety attacks and OCD are great representatives of these attacks of emotional imbalance, is another way of calling them. If I put this name to it, it is because there are other emotions that can occur, but these are the most prevalent, the ones that manifest themselves the most.
And what happens to the people who suffer them? How hard is it to live with them?
It is very hard because there is a very great suffering… When negative emotions are so great, so acute, it is as if a practically unbearable physical pain invades you that you have to endure.
That, to the people who suffer from it, who can suffer it every day, because it takes their lives apart a lot to the point that they cannot work, they have to isolate themselves, they cannot have social relationships or they are very depleted … It is nothing rare that at any given moment they think that it is not worth living like this.
What percentage of the population lives with these attacks in Spain?
20% of people, which is a lot. In fact, this rate has never been so high, there is an epidemic of that!
Could this high rate be due to a lack of awareness of the crucial importance of mental health before?
No, it is because life is much more complex and it is easier for emotions to get out of control. It is more difficult to live now than ever before in the history of humanity on an emotional level because we live with so many personal or social demands. Think about it, the life of our grandparents or great-great-grandparents was much easier and quieter compared to ours.
And although the growth of this index could be due to the greater awareness that we have about the importance of mental health, we know that this is not the case because it has not stopped rising since we registered it. It is not only that we do not record the data or we do not pay attention to it, it is because it is a figure that continues to rise since we do so.
It is also difficult to notice the increased demands on life because it is so gradual. You adapt to it and you don’t realize how it was before. If you do an exercise in looking at what the lives of the people who lived before us were like, it is that they were incredibly calmer and simplified: most of the people of our grandparents’ time were born and died in the same house, they got married with one of the five free girls in town, she worked what her father had done, they didn’t have watches! Imagine how simple life was.
The pandemic will also have worsened this index.
Sure, the figure has increased by 30%. If before I told you that 20% of the population has serious problems of emotional lack of control, now that figure must be 30% higher because what has happened has been a trauma and now we are experiencing a phenomenon of post-traumatic stress on a large scale. All this has left a mark of fear in people, so much so that the symptoms have increased and many people have debuted beginning to suffer from anxiety disorders.
How can the mind produce the symptoms and pain experienced by people with these types of attacks?
The human mind is a phenomenon that is related to becoming afraid of one’s own fear.
There are two types of fear: fears of external things and fears of internal things, which are really dangerous for humans. If you are afraid of cats, nothing happens, separating yourself from the cats is enough; But if you become afraid that your heart is racing, your thoughts or sadness itself, that fear feeds back and gets out of control. That is why this phenomenon of emotional lack of control happens, because the human being is capable of taking fear of fear and also of internal sensations. If you fall into them, let’s say it’s like you’ve fallen into quicksand.
And how can a person get out of these quicksand?
You have to learn a technology that we call desensitization or to stop being afraid of your own fear. It is something very easy to say and very difficult to do, but the person who has fallen into this has no other choice because there is no other way out.
This desensitization happens by exposing yourself to that negative feeling and learning to stop being afraid of it through experiencing it many times calmly. The moment you openly expose yourself and stop being afraid, it disappears forever.
But to carry out this process it takes a lot of courage and, as I explain in my book, it also takes faith from a secular point of view. What does it mean? Do something without being at all sure that it will work. It takes a lot of faith to get in touch with what you fear the most and voluntarily stay there! It’s like going down to hell and staying in that place as quiet as possible, like putting your hand in the fire and not withdrawing it …
But if they succeed, peace, strength, joy, the true cure await them.
Would the first step in this process be coping?
Yes. The first step is to face, the second to accept, the third to float and the last is to let time pass.
The first step is that the person has to go again and again to that place where fear dwells. If you don’t actively seek out the discomfort, it won’t heal.
The second step is to accept, which is the most difficult. You have to accept, open up, to the experience of all that discomfort, because if you reject it, it will haunt you.
Floating refers to trying to relax as much as possible. Someone who has panic attacks will think that it is impossible to relax with one, but it can and must be tried. For this you can put on beautiful music or go for a walk while accepting what is happening to you at that moment.
And the last step is that you have to be aware that you are not going to work immediately, possibly you are going to need months of work.
He comments in his book that many make the mistake of accepting their symptoms at 99% and not at 100%, what does that one percent consist of and how can a person who has gone so far reach it?
To achieve it, what they have to do is continue while the discomfort lasts. And what does it suppose? There is a paradoxical thing in this work: the person is cured when he does not care whether he is cured or not, and that is to accept 100%. That is something that is achieved after many exposures, if you are in a hurry you will not reach that 100%.
It is practical.
What is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)?
An OCD is a problem in which a person gets stuck with a concern and there is no way to solve it or get it out of his mind.
It is similar to when each of us has to make a difficult decision and you do not sleep all night thinking about something, because people with OCD experience that every day of their lives. It is a very great suffering.
What would you recommend to a person with obsessive compulsive disorder? How can you put an end to these worries and thoughts?
I would recommend to these people that they live with that concern, without trying to modify it, until they stop being afraid of it. If it’s a fear of germs, for example, I recommend getting dirty every day on purpose, without washing, and tolerating the discomfort.
How can a person help a loved one with OCD or anxiety attacks?
You have to stop helping him in the direction of avoidance, it is very possible that the person asks for help and he does not have to give it… Therefore, and paradoxically, it is the most difficult help because you do not want to see him suffer.
So this loved one has to do the most difficult thing: strive to encourage the affected person to undergo a self-healing process that will involve suffering. Also, you can respect his work, encourage him, but not protect him at all …
On the other hand, the person suffering from OCD or anxiety attacks has to know that the only one who can be cured of this is oneself. There you are alone in the face of danger.
Is it possible not to be afraid of anything?
It is possible not to be overly afraid of anything. What does this mean? May all your experience of negative emotions be very light, so much so that it does not prevent you from having a happy life always. You experience them, but as a slight warning.
Removing them completely is not possible nor would it be advisable, because you would not protect yourself and life would be too monotonous.
A bit of very slight negative emotion is welcome: a bit of melancholy, a bit of tension when you watch a scary movie, the nerves before playing football … If not it would be very boring.
The book includes several testimonies from people who have cured themselves, with the help of a professional or not, of fear disorders. How much can all these testimonies help those who suffer?
Many people who suffer from these problems believe that there is no cure and reading the confidence that other people have done it, and being able to read it, will give them this assurance that this is the right path.
And for all those who are going through such a difficult time in their life right now, is there light at the end of the tunnel?
Hundreds of thousands of people have done this personal work of transformation of their mind and people who were in moments of total lack of control … They are clear proof that this path is waiting for you.
And yes, it is tough, but the payoff is brutal.