“Quietly with yourself”: how parents can help a withdrawn child

The isolation of a child can be determined by his behavior: he avoids communication with peers, and prefers solitude to common games. In addition, he is laconic, inactive, never takes the initiative into his own hands. There are many reasons for this: from the usual natural timidity and peculiarities of upbringing to reactions to traumatic experiences and mental development disorders.

However, parents often confuse isolation with shyness and indecision. Therefore, before taking any action, you need to understand what exactly is at stake.

Coercion – no

We are all different: among us there are those who are brave and strong, and there are those who are sensitive and cautious. The second needs more time to get used not only to new faces and circumstances, but also to clothes or food.

These people enjoy communicating with one person, usually a friend or buddy, and will always prefer his company to a noisy company. Moreover, among the crowd they quickly get tired, and with loved ones they open up and show their individuality – often bright and unique. And if a child with such a temperament appears in the family, attentive parents will immediately notice this.

Here’s what to keep in mind:

Do not run ahead of the locomotive

Try to capture the desires of the child and give him the right to make his own decision. Often on the playground you can see how parents push indecisive children into the company of other children. It will be much better if you notice that the baby is not cautious, but is watching what is happening with interest, and treat this with respect.

He just needs more time to decide to approach. Help him choose the moment for the first step: “You seem to need to study everything. When you’re ready, you can go wherever you want.”

Be careful

Pay attention to what the child likes. What does he look at the most? It is especially important for such children to find their own business, an occupation that they will like, in which they will be able to open up.

Suggest something new

Throw options for new activities, taking into account the interests and characteristics of your child. Here the essence is in the “trial principle”: when offering a child something new, offer it not forever, but for a while, so that he has the right to decide whether it suits him right now or not.

Don’t force action

As we have already said, in this way you interfere in the plans of the child. Maybe he himself would have approached the guys in 5 minutes, but now he won’t. The fact is that persistent “shoving” most often causes the opposite reaction: the child spends energy on resistance and gets used to the “I don’t want” state. If the parent accepts the child’s “no”, then he supports the child’s right to its boundaries.

Be patient

A shy child has many internal mini-events: he noticed something, convinced himself of something, digested something, experienced something, decided on something. And you think nothing happened. Therefore, it is necessary to talk about everything: about his doubts, fears, desires, feelings and motives. After recognizing a child’s “no”, you can ask: “What confuses you? What are your concerns?”

Work Together

The “Come Together” offer will support the shy child at the beginning of the journey, because what he did with the parent gradually becomes his own skill. But do not forget to eventually give him the initiative and step aside – so he will get used to the fact that he can handle everything on his own.

Do not scold for mistakes

For a child, the reaction of a parent to his failure is of great importance. Take it as an experience, as a favorable and even welcome thing, because from any mistake you can learn a lesson. Just support and comfort the baby first.

Of course, trusting the pace and the way a child adapts in life is not easy, especially when a parent expects quick results. But growing up is a long-term process. If you stick to these points, then with age, a withdrawn child will “strengthen”: he will begin to understand himself better, accept his characteristics and become more confident in his right to make decisions.

When is a specialist needed?

It’s one thing when the reason for the child’s isolation is temperament. And another, if it is a reaction to a stressful or traumatic situation. Tracking it is easy, as the key indicator is a change in behavior.

The child suddenly becomes closed, his mood worsens, the desire to live a familiar life disappears. Sometimes such a reaction is caused by experiences due to moving, the death of a loved one, bullying or excitement associated with a transitional age. In this case, time, support from parents and reducing the requirements for the child will help.

Adults should take care that the stress or traumatic situation does not become chronic: for this, it is necessary to help the child solve his problem. If the contact is established, then you will not miss even the first signs of a circuit, and, most likely, the child himself will tell what provoked them. But if there is no emotional intimacy, then you may miss the moment. This will allow the experience to develop into a disorder, and without the help of a specialist it will no longer be possible to do.

In the case of more pronounced forms of isolation associated with mental developmental disorders or with congenital features, it will not be possible to cope without additional diagnostics and consultation with a psychiatrist or psychologist.

The main thing is to watch the child. And such important manifestations of parental love as support, sensitivity and attentiveness will never be superfluous.