Questions about love: what teenagers want to know

Anna Skavitina, children’s analyst

I really sympathize with you, Olya. Of course, you are worried that your parents are so busy with themselves and do not notice you. You say that it is very difficult to love, and you don’t even want to get married, so that it wasn’t like your parents. In fact, when your parents are arguing, you feel like you are alone, because at that moment they are not busy with you. It seems to me that it’s not that you don’t want to love and have a family; You don’t want to feel left out in the first place.

And although it is not easy for your parents and you now, we know for sure that it was different before. Once they loved each other so much and were so happy with each other that you were born to them. Therefore, we can say that you, Olya, are a child born of love.

Your parents continue to love you even when they fight among themselves. Their feelings for you have not gone away, even if they do not express them. When people love each other, they do not think about the fact that these relationships may deteriorate at some point. Probably, if you ask your mom and dad – would they like these relationships not to be in their lives, which means you would not be born – I think they would answer: “No, not at all.” It’s sad that you’re in this situation now, but that doesn’t mean the parenting relationship didn’t make sense. The main point of this relationship is you.

If you fall in love with a person in the future, I really hope that everything will work out for you. No matter how relationships end, they always make sense, because experiencing love for another person is the main thing in our life.

Anna Skavitina, children’s analyst

Karina, are you sure you want to get this boy’s attention? Let’s say you succeed, and what will happen next, you wondered? Maybe he will like you, but what if he doesn’t? Do you really want to know this? Judging by your letter, you are interested in a boy who obviously likes other girls, and he also likes other girls. Do you think you really liked the boy himself, or would you still be more interested in looking at his relationships with other girls? I still think that you wanted more to be around, to learn, to see how it happens, than to actually start a relationship or friendship.

Girls quite often at first seem to train in relationships, fall in love with someone inaccessible – older boys, famous singers or actors, even paintings in a museum – in short, those with whom nothing really can work out. And girls also want to make sure that they, in principle, know how to love someone. This is a very pleasant feeling. Karina, next time you will like some person who likes you.

Therefore, do not rush things, try to be with this feeling, get to know new sensations better. If you succeed, try not to share this feeling with either the boy or your girlfriends, so that you understand how capable you are of strong emotions for a person who can someday answer you in the same way.

Anna Skavitina, children’s analyst

You know, when people are 12 years old, often, in order to look older, they lie a little and say that they had what they think is really adult, which others did not have. I think most of your classmates do just that. If you want to be like everyone else, you can also say that you have already kissed. By the way, your friends, of course, are lying, but it cannot be said that they are lying, because many of them (and you too) have already kissed in their fantasies.

In these fantasies, they imagined so vividly how it would happen in reality that for them it almost happened for real. In your fantasies, you have already kissed a girl from art school, with whom you like to walk together. Sometimes our fantasies are more interesting and more important than what actually happens.

It seems to me that you understand an important thing – you can kiss and it’s great only when you really fell in love. And of course, kissing is not where a relationship starts.

It is important that you feel good together – return home, communicate, share thoughts. Relationships begin with the fact that there is a person with whom you want to talk endlessly, spend more time with him, he occupies your thoughts. Perhaps this person will become so important to you that you will want to take his hand or hug him, and you will not even notice how this first kiss will happen.

Usually no one offers to kiss anyone, it happens as if by chance, of course, when you feel that you simply cannot do otherwise. And if before that you were so good at talking and having a good time, then this will be a kiss that will be returned to you.