It’s easier for parents to promise and then not deliver than to say “no” right away. Do they do this because they are afraid to upset the child?
Anna Skavitina, children’s analyst:
“You are right, Lilya, adults should not deceive children. But children and adults have very different rights. For example, children should not smoke or swear bad words. Nobody reprimands adults for this, because adults are responsible for themselves. And they must also be responsible for their children and teach them how to behave. Adults teach children not to lie. But when children grow up, they decide for themselves whether they will deceive others, whether it is worth acting honestly. It’s not very fair, but it’s true. All children want to trust adults, especially parents. But little by little, children realize that words are just words. If my mother promised something and did not fulfill it, then, of course, she did not do it out of spite. Perhaps mom knew in advance that she would not be able to fulfill the promise, but at that moment she simply did not dare to refuse you. It was easier for her to promise not to upset you. She thought that you were still small and would not remember what she promised. For some reason, adults think that children have a short memory. But of course it’s not! If your mother immediately says “no”, then of course you will be upset, but then you will have the opportunity to understand that not all desires come true. Try to explain to your mother that it will be easier for you if she immediately says no. So you have time to get used to the fact that something pleasant will not happen.