Question to the expert: “Why did my aunt do this?”

Your story, Iya, would seem familiar to many: your mother’s older sister decided that it was you who should look after her, despite the fact that she lived with her husband and son. And somehow she did not care that you have a family, work, your own life. You found a compromise solution – hired a nurse and helped when you could – but before her death, aunt still said the words that torment you to this day. And now it’s as if you continue to sort things out with her: she didn’t help when your mother was dying, she shared your mother’s property with you … It seems that there is a long lawsuit between women in the family: who left whom, who is more to blame, who has what rights. The thought comes to mind of some very old sad story, the echoes of which today hurt you so much. It’s been there for a very long time! – mother and daughter never forgave each other, and who “left” whom is no longer understood. This story is not about you, but it would be nice if it ended with you.

You got an unexploded mine from the family’s past. I think your aunt was driven by an inverted sense of guilt – when she said, “You left me,” she wasn’t talking about you, but about herself. Perhaps this is exactly what her mother, your grandmother, could have told her. Iya, you did as much as you could for your aunt, and a lot. And the fact that she did not feel gratitude and died in offense is a disaster. Her problem, not yours. The more you continue to be offended, the more power your aunt has over you. Imagine that you had a nightmare – and it ended, you woke up, the world outside the window, your loved ones nearby. It’s still scary, but it’s time to turn to your own life and let the ghosts rest in peace.