Nothing can be hidden from children: they immediately notice the slightest changes in the behavior of their parents. And if something is wrong, the child is worried.
“Something is wrong with her, she breaks down on me, scolds and finds fault, I just don’t know how to please her …”
Julia, 14 years old
Ekaterina Mikhailova, psychotherapist
“Your mother, Julia, has become irritable, touchy – in general, difficult. You write that now she resembles a “pessimistic hedgehog”, and ask how to turn the “hedgehog” into that old mother. Let’s start with the fact that we know our parents first of all as parents, their personal and inner life does not interest us too much, if it does not affect our relationship with them. Or maybe mom has an unhappy love or a conflict at work? She does not consider it necessary to share this with you, but “this” cannot but be reflected in her mood. The second observation is more difficult. Judging by your concern, you have been used to being responsible for your mother since childhood, and even now you seem to take responsibility for her “hedgehog” and pessimism. This is not worth doing. Because this is how confusion arises, it becomes unclear which of you is a mother and which is a teenage daughter. The more responsible you behave, the more mom allows herself to be teenage – provocations, insults, rudeness. Maybe that’s how she reacts to you growing up. Before our eyes, the daughter becomes a reasonable and caring girl, which means that you can run to finish the missed game. You are anxious: return your mother, let everything be as before! But “as before” does not work. It seems to me that your mother is not easy: your growing up reminds her of the passage of time, of the coming old age. And I sincerely wish you that the current difficult period will be mixed up on these psychological subtleties, and not on some kind of mother’s misfortune.