“If it’s difficult, painful, incomprehensible, just say: “Mom, hug me, and then we’ll talk.” Comment by child analyst Anna Skavitina.
“When I act up, my mother laughs. She never yells at me, why am I sad?
Ilyusha, 5 years old
Anna Skavitina, children’s analyst:
“Ilyusha, when you want to be capricious, at that moment you probably feel something: sadness, anger or resentment. It is hard for us when other people do not understand us or do not guess what we want. Most likely, you yourself do not always understand what is happening to you at such moments. When your mother laughs in response to whims, you feel that you have not been understood and have not been explained what happened to you. It seems that you are all alone, and therefore you are sad. Mom is not laughing at you, she just wants to help and show that there is nothing terrible for her, an adult, in your whims. But it does not help you, because you are still small. Just tell your mom that at such moments you are not funny, but insulting. And you need her help. I think that when you do that, mom can start helping you. Mom will ask you questions to understand what is happening to you. And you will try to explain to her how you feel. And then you can understand each other. And this is the most important thing in relationships between close people. Perhaps mom needs to be explained that at the very beginning, when you are capricious, you will not even have the strength to answer her questions. Then you can just say: “Mom, hug me, and then we’ll talk.”