What if, on the eve of the wedding, the mother of the bride does not rejoice with her, but seriously plans to “put on mourning”? Is it possible not to quarrel and not spoil the holiday for yourself and others?
“My wedding is in a week. Mom is upset and cries all the time. She is afraid of our parting. How can I help her?” Olya, 24 years old
Ekaterina Mikhailova, psychotherapist:
“Olya, first of all, my congratulations: a wedding is not only a “responsible step”, but also a real holiday! And your mother is really not behaving very far-sighted. She sobs, prepares a “mourning” dress and repeats that she cannot live alone. The caustic tone of the letter suggests that you are very angry with her. And your desire to run without looking back, of course, can be understood. You are frightened by what is happening with your mother, and you do not know what to do now. Try to treat your home “series” as a work of art, a kind of mother’s benefit: you can admire, but you should not get involved. You thought that the wedding was your holiday, but it turned out that another play was going on and you were not in the main (moreover, tragic) role. Unexpectedly, but not terrible: many brides then recall a strange feeling of their own “unreality” in this role. It is important for you now not to overstrain and maintain a relationship with your mother. And for this you need to maintain a distance and neutrality. And don’t take responsibility for her emotions. Perhaps the separation really worries mom. But I think what she is really mourning is the loss of youth and the irreversibility of changes in familiar family relationships. A long period of her life is really coming to an end. So her mourning and her tears are not without reason. Fortunately, this is temporary. Believe me, in ten years you will tell this story with a smile.