Question to the expert: what do teenagers think about

Karma, 13 years old

“I don’t like it when other people touch me, especially on the face, even if my mother does it. Why is that?”

You become an adult, your body changes. It changes so quickly and sometimes so unexpectedly that you often do not have time to keep track of it. Sometimes in such a situation it even seems that we have become different from ourselves. And we can suddenly find ourselves unpleasant. Perhaps you have not thought about it, but changes in your body give rise to new sensations and (un)desires in you. For example, the desire to “gather into one whole”, but such a whole that only you can control, understand and trust him; get to know your new face, new head, body.

It’s a difficult feeling, and it’s hard for you to deal with it. Therefore, when someone touches you, even if there is no aggression in it, even when mom habitually strokes her head, you may feel as if it encroaches on your body, which belongs only to you.

I think you would like to show your mother that you have the right to your own body, you can decide for yourself when and how you can be touched. Maybe now it seems to you that your mother considers your body a little hers too, she endured you, gave birth, fed, raised you. You yourself don’t understand now why your feelings and sensations have changed so much, so your mother cannot fully understand why you have changed so much. It may even seem to her that you have stopped loving her. You need to say: “Mom, I still love you, but I would like you to touch me only when I allow (I want).” I hope that mom hears you and understands everything correctly.

Liza, 14 years old

“I keep a diary, but I don’t know what and how to write there, I can’t find the words. I think I’m really dumb…”

Lisa, your feelings are understandable both to many of your peers-teenagers, and to all adults who also experienced something similar. There are many interesting and important things in your inner world than you would like to share with others, but there are no exact words yet, to describe it. This happens with people who are experiencing a new, unusual experience for themselves and they still do not have the “tools” for a clear explanation of what is happening even to themselves, not to mention others.

When people are between childhood and adulthood, they just experience such a new experience: everything that happens to them has not happened before. New feelings are born, the body changes, the first love arises, the first sensual relationships, the first hatred.

We need time to get comfortable with all this, and we also really need people who have already learned to share their experiences and experiences, talk about them, reflect and look for answers to all sorts of questions. And also, of course, there are books and films that describe characters like you. You can compare yourself with them, with their ways of living and expressing in words everything that happens, and learn to do this with your experiences.

Ask on social networks or with your older friends what they watched or read about this topic, what impressed them, what they especially liked and remembered. Over time, you will definitely have your own language, and then you will feel more confident and free.