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Every child has moments when he loses confidence in himself. You shouldn’t be afraid of them. It is worth sounding the alarm if such humiliation of oneself turns into a habit and becomes part of the character.
“My son is 6 years old, he has always been rather timid and shy, but recently something has completely lost heart, he keeps repeating that he is a “stupid” and “insignificance” and no matter what he undertakes, he does not succeed . What am I doing wrong and how can I help my son believe in himself again? Maria, 29 years old
Pierre Douillet, Head of the Department of Pediatrics at the Fontainebleau Clinic (Saint-en-Marne, France):
“Never ignore such complaints: if a child feels “insignificant”, then he suffers from self-doubt, from low self-esteem, which always hurts.
Perhaps a tactless teacher or one of the significant adult relatives made a rude remark to him: “Well, you are stupid!” or “Your sister catches everything the first time, and you…” However, he himself could come to the conclusion about his inability to cope with some kind of failure.
Modern parents, without thinking twice, seat a three-year-old child at cartoons designed for the age of 4–5 years, offer a preschooler to assemble a complex puzzle, start teaching him reading too early or, after a few years, solfeggio. Children overwhelmed by the tasks set before them by their parents may decide that they cannot cope. Unconsciously feeling parental fear that they will not achieve important heights in life, they begin to talk about their insignificance.
Read more:
- Help your child accept himself
If this is the case, you need to ease the pressure on the baby as soon as possible. Offer simple tasks to help him regain his sense of self-confidence and self-respect. Reasonable effort, commensurate with the capabilities of the child, will be rewarded with success.
However, be careful: such words on the part of children can represent manipulation. Calling himself “nothing”, the child may try to attract your attention, to arouse sympathy. Occupying a “lowered position”, he forces the surrounding adults to follow his lead and fulfill his needs and whims. This is quite characteristic of human nature, but hardly any of us would want our child to act as a helpless person in relations with other people.
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- Don’t call your child shy!
Of course, you need to calm him down, dissuade him, but it is important not to overdo it here either. For example, if he has difficulties with mathematics, you need to help him understand what the problem is, but do not suggest a solution, let alone decide for him.
Finally, there are the most difficult cases: when parents themselves feel like “insignificances” who have not been able to overcome some difficulties and survive their failures, and they unconsciously give their children an attitude that contains a double meaning: “Try, but I will be very surprised if you will reach your goal.” Such a parent cannot internally admit that his child will one day surpass him, and, suffering from this fear, implicitly forbids the son or daughter from developing his abilities. In these cases, it is necessary to consult a family psychotherapist or the parent must carry out independent work with him.