Relations with relatives can give us a lot, but they cannot be the meaning of our life.
“My mother died, before that she had been in a neuropsychiatric dispensary with dementia for two months. She lived with me, but when memory problems started, she became aggressive and always wanted to leave, so she was admitted to the hospital. I asked my father and brother to help me and convince my mother to go for an examination, while everything was not so neglected, but they had no time. Now that she was dead, my father blamed me for everything and cursed me. The husband, having learned the details of our conversation with his father, drew his own conclusions and also turned away from me. I was left completely alone, except for the children I have no one. I don’t know what to do and how to find the strength not to go crazy.” Olga, 42 years old
Larisa Kharlanova, psychologist:
“Your mother’s illness developed gradually, you did everything right by placing her in the hospital. The accusations of your relatives have no basis – after all, they, too, could somehow participate in her fate if they believed that something was wrong. They could intervene, offer some other options, but no one did this, what can we talk about now? Belated guilt for some reason allows them to accuse you of something that no one is to blame at all.
Curses in this case are also a symptom. It’s hard to hear, it’s hard to realize that your own father is cursing you, but for some reason he chooses to live his last years in such a state of mind. You can hardly influence this either. He lost his wife, now he chooses to “lose” his daughter, but your life is not only relationships with your parents. Mom is gone, dad doesn’t want to know you. Here you can only try to explain once again what happened and how, explain the logic of your actions, and if nothing works out, accept it.
You still have your job, hobbies, relationships with children, this is far from the state of “completely alone.” Your husband lives with you for a long time, how is it that he is more impressed by the story of his father than by your life with him? Where was he during this difficult time?
Your relationship with him developed, continued, you are not a stranger to him, about whom he suddenly found out something bad and turned away. Return to communication, to reconsider what is between you, what keeps you together. Relations with relatives can give us a lot, but they cannot be the meaning of our life. Perhaps the family crisis simply revealed your loss, lack of understanding of where, why and how to move on. This is a completely normal stage, we all periodically have to solve this problem. Our relations with relatives have absolutely nothing to do with it. Do not panic. Pay attention to your own wants and needs, that’s important.”