Envy is a hard feeling. We are ashamed to envy, and we lose heart at the thought that we can never achieve what we so desperately envy in others. The way to liberation from envy is to understand what exactly this feeling wants to tell us, and to find suitable ways to express it.
“How to get rid of the feeling of envy towards more successful people, whose success and prosperity are not the result of efforts and long work, but simply a combination of happy circumstances, the will of chance or fate? These are not acquaintances from whom you can distance yourself, but the inner circle, relatives, meetings with which are inevitable. I am 37 years old, I am a mature woman, and this feeling of envy makes me ashamed. I want to get rid of the negativity when I see: no matter what I do, no matter what success I achieve, I look pale against the background of my family.
Anna, 37 years
Alexander Orlov, Doctor of Psychology, certified onto- and client-centered therapist:
“Anna, the way to get rid of envy is to find suitable, possible ways of expressing it in relationships with those people (your closest relatives) for whom you have all these feelings. Of course, not all communication situations and not all interlocutors are suitable for this. But, perhaps, in communicating with one of your relatives, there are such moments (privacy, trust, sincerity) when you can somehow touch upon this topic that is so difficult for you. No matter how strange this opportunity to express your envy may seem at first glance, try to take it seriously, look for such interlocutors and such situations.
It seems to me that the complexity of your situation lies in the fact that it is difficult for you to be with this envy, it is difficult for you to accept it yourself. This envy is perceived by you as a “negative”, as something wrong, shameful. I think that if you could get to know your envy better, listen to it more fully, understand what exactly this feeling of yours wants to tell you, your attitude towards envy would become more calm. Therefore, it is important to give this feeling a voice. Find 30 minutes of free time, let your envy fill you, take a pen and start writing absolutely everything that you feel in yourself, do not take the pen off the paper until the internal impulse runs out. And only then read this “letter to yourself.” Try to do this several times. Strive to do this every time the feeling of envy clearly reminds you of yourself.