It’s okay to cry when it hurts. But why then the doctor and the grandmother swear? Explanations of the child analyst Anna Skavitina.
“They treated my tooth very painfully. My aunt was angry and scolded me, and my grandmother scolded me, said, all babies don’t cry, but that’s not true!”
Agasya, 4 years old
Anna Skavitina, children’s analyst
“Agasya, of course, it’s okay to cry when you are in pain. We almost all do it. But there are indeed adults, and even children, who do not cry at such moments. Not because they are not hurt, but because they are trying to restrain themselves. Grandma and the doctor scolded you because they wanted you to be able to hold back your tears too. Adults, when they hear a child’s cry, do not always understand what to do, how to calm the child. They feel anxiety and would like it to be gone. But you still don’t know how to hold back, and in fact, it’s not even always useful to hold back tears. When you are hurt and feel bad, it is better to cry a little: tears make you feel better. And if adults console you, say kind words, then your tears dry up faster and it becomes less difficult. And when we hold back because we are afraid that we will be scolded for crying, then the sad and heavy feeling will last for a long time. You can say: “Grandma, I have the right to cry when I am in pain, and you better not scold me, but console me – and then I will also console you if it hurts you, because I will learn this from you.” I really hope that your grandmother, as a smart and adult person, will hear and understand you.”