We often suppress conflicting feelings and desires for us. So we are calmer, it gives a sense of stability, we become less vulnerable to criticism. But the feeling of liveliness, joy, spontaneity disappears — and we feel that we are exhausted by routine. How to proceed?
Irina Mlodik, psychologist, psychotherapist: «Ivanna, hello. You are setting yourself a difficult task. And, it seems, they have even begun to guess that the task is really not an easy one. After all, it is probably not in vain that your psyche «arranged» for you the practice of proven algorithms, the lack of spontaneity and clear plans. This is your ability to control everything that happens inside you. It is probably very scary, embarrassing or anxious to face what might spontaneously burst out of you. Often we are not ready to face our anger or even anger, rage, envy, suffering or grief from loss, guilt or our own imperfection.
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Because of this impossibility to accept ourselves in our fullness, we sometimes cut off «undesirable», complex, contradictory feelings and desires for us. From this we become calmer, wiser, more stable. We ourselves like this more, and become less vulnerable to criticism and self-criticism. This brings great relief, gives a sense of stability. But, as you correctly write, the feeling of liveliness, interest, inspiration, joy, spontaneity really disappears.
Of course, returning to life is impossible without permission to experience the full gamut of feelings and desires, or at least not so truncated version of feelings and desires as yours. When you allow yourself to feel, feelings and desires that you diligently avoided may come to you. And without permission to experience and live them, it is difficult to be reborn to liveliness. It is often difficult to accept yourself in the fullness of your manifestations, and, of course, it is important that your environment supports you in this, so that there is at least one person with whom you can be more yourself, relax, trust and manifest more fully, as much as you can.»