It’s great when a teacher for children is an authority and an incentive to know the subject perfectly. But what if respect and admiration turn into love? Psychologist Ekaterina Mikhailova answers the question of a schoolgirl.
Sonya, 17 years old
“Hello! I recently realized that I really like my teacher. In many ways, he corresponds to my ideals: quite strong, intelligent and self-confident. In addition, I have brothers who are older than him (perhaps this is why it is sometimes difficult for me to communicate with him formally). I am not at all attracted to boys my age or a little older. Please tell me what should I do?”
Ekaterina Mikhailova
Sonya, hi.Are you asking what to do? I answer: nothing. At all. And I’ll explain why. In fact, it’s good when a teacher likes and matches ideals. It is much worse when it is the other way around: everything that this person says is automatically devalued and not worth attention.
You see, Sonya… teacher charisma is a tool. When we like a person, we are ready to listen, remember, think. The charm, intelligence and strength of the teacher is a kind of “packaging”. I still remember the material of those teachers that I liked. Of course, I wanted to impress and shine! Excellent – formulas, quotes, the atmosphere of the lesson were remembered for many years. The benefit is obvious, it works.
Millions of women around the world fall in love with actors or politicians, seeing them as “corresponding to their ideals.” A film or a political program thus acquires fans, admirers – the benefits are obvious, it works.
Do not judge too harshly the boys of the same age: they have yet to gain strength, intelligence and confidence – as, indeed, you
The admiration you feel did you more good than harm – excellent. Because it’s about knowledge, not buying or voting, you win. And with personal relationships – falling in love, flirting, friendship, friendship – all this is better not to be confused. Because in personal relationships, charm or strength is not a tool for solving some other problem, they are important in themselves.
When you finish school (judging by the age, this will happen pretty soon), a world will open before you, in which there will be both peer boys and older men. Perhaps the brothers and your wonderful teacher unwittingly accustomed you to very high requirements for the representatives of the stronger sex – so much the better, there will be many bright and intelligent young people among your fans.
Returning to your question and my answer: nothing needs to be done. Just grow up, grow up and don’t judge your peers too harshly: they are still losing in comparison with your brothers and teacher, they have yet to gain strength, intelligence and confidence – just like you, by the way.
About expert
Ekaterina Mikhailova, psychotherapist, psychodrama specialist, coach and resident expert of Psychologies.