Criticism often becomes a problem that prevents you from enjoying your work and making a career. Why? Sometimes, behind constructive remarks, we hear a dangerous call that signals: “they don’t like me”, “I will be fired”, “they will stop loving me”.
“I have big problems with work. The fact is that I react sharply to criticism and there is nothing I can do about it. I’m tired of new teams, bosses, but I just can’t hold out for a long time at work. At first they praise me a lot, but then something always suddenly changes, and I am already “overboard”. After analyzing my behavior, I realized that the problem was in my reaction to criticism. Can you help me figure out how to get rid of this?
Olga, 34 years old
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- Persuasion can be learned
Larisa Kharlanova, psychologist, psychoanalyst:
“You are tired of repeating this situation, you have probably tried to give yourself a word not to react, not to respond to criticism with insults or harsh words, but so far it has not helped much. I think you should consult a psychologist so that together you can explore what exactly is happening to you. Why is it that criticism has become a problem that prevents you from enjoying your work and making a career? What exactly do you take as criticism? Maybe these are pretty constructive comments? Or are they even suggestions just to refine, change, fix, improve, optimize something? Sometimes we hear behind any of the above proposals a dangerous call that signals: “I am not loved,” “I will be fired,” “I will stop being loved,” “I can never repair the damage that is being done to relationships right now.” Perhaps the reason is in your childhood relationship with your parents, when you were not just criticized, but at the same time showed “dislike”. Such a pattern is difficult to recognize and overcome if you do not understand exactly how it is triggered.