It is difficult for teenagers to move to a new school, especially to a more prestigious one. What to do if everyone around expects success from you, but nothing happens?
“I lost my desire to study, and I don’t know why. In the previous school, I was an excellent student, an Olympiad student for 7 years. I can’t say that I really liked to study. I did it rather out of a sense of duty to my mother, who invests a lot in me and dreams that I will achieve success in life. In addition, I did not want to lower the bar, disappoint teachers, give reason to gloat to envious classmates. Then I entered a more prestigious school. Mom set me up to prove myself to the teachers. But in the new school, I completely lost the desire to build relationships with teachers. I could not gain credibility, because for some reason I did not want to study at all. It was not laziness: I have always been hardworking and purposeful and could force myself to do what I did not want at all. Go twos, threes. Studying at a new school is also difficult for me because there is no system in the knowledge provided, and I need it in everything.
I feel despair, I often cry because of my grades, my mother constantly nags me, swears that I “rolled down”, I have a bad relationship with teachers – they consider me just stupid. I am kicking myself for doing more. I am tormented by this pressure and a sense of hopelessness, when it seems that everything is hopeless, that I will not be able to straighten my grades, I will be expelled, I will have to go to a less prestigious place. Plus playing sports, attending courses until late in the evening, preparing for the Olympics, eternal fatigue. It feels like I’m constantly spinning, doing something, but there is no result, because I need to do even more, but there is no strength and desire anymore.
Lately, I don’t feel like doing anything. I was tormented by this vicious circle, from which I have not been able to get out for two years now. Why did I lose the desire to achieve something? How can I deal with this?”
Evgenia, 15 years old
Irina Mlodik, psychologist, psychotherapist:
“Evgenia, your situation really seems desperate. Mainly because you’ve put so much effort into making all the significant adults around you happy, but you haven’t been able to truly enjoy yourself. When only results and achievements are expected of us, we begin to feel like an addition to our success. A function called “student” or “good daughter”. But after all, being not a living person, but a function is very unpleasant.
On the other hand, your mom is right. After all, there is nothing wrong with ambition, knowledge, achievements, your ability to achieve success. On the contrary: your abilities for diligence, diligence and perseverance will continue to help you in life.
Read more:
- 6 Ways to Deal with Stress at School
In your former school, where there was an understandable system and, above all, obedience and diligence were required, you did an excellent job. And in your new school, you probably need other skills: not to answer memorized, but to analyze the material, form and express your opinion – and this may be difficult for you. In addition, you are left without the usual support of adults. They cannot understand your difficulties and help you, but instead they simply make demands, declare you incapable, show discontent. And it’s hard for you, too, to tell yourself honestly: I can’t cope with a new type of education, with a new bar, with the prestigious status of a new school. And you also have an adolescent crisis, in which academic performance often worsens, because the body works to the limit: it needs to solve too many physiological and psychological tasks during this period.
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- Awaken in the child the desire to learn
Evgenia, the teenage crisis is a difficult period. It’s obvious that you need help. Try to find in your environment understanding adults who could help you cope with the tasks that you set for yourself. They may be able to help you pick the bar that suits you. Studying “on the last gasp” is also not needed by anyone. All of them, your adults, want the best for you. It’s just that sometimes some of them need to be helped to realize what is good for you.”