You can’t give your parents back the life they gave us. You can only pass it on. Psychologist Ekaterina Mikhailova talks about how to make a difficult decision.
“My father does not recognize anyone, he cannot be left alone, the family is exhausted. My wife insists to give him to a nursing home, but my heart breaks…”
Mikhail, 40 years old
Ekaterina Mikhailova, psychologist:
“The old people, who are losing their memory, clarity of consciousness and the remnants of independence, are infinitely sorry. Giving a loved one to the “institution” is hard, but you have to make a decision. You are exhausted and desperate because you are powerless to change anything: the circumstances of your life and work are such that softer solutions are impossible. Loving what remains of our once worthy loved ones is very difficult. Once he was a good father, and you are a good son: that’s the truth, and this will not change. Ask yourself what drives you now: fear of the inevitable feeling of guilt, faith in the coming punishment (many believe that by identifying an old person in a nursing home, they doom themselves to the same ending) … And about who you really are really love: the person who raised you and was a good father, or “this unfamiliar”, as you write, “decrepit beast”, who now lives with your family. This first one moves farther and farther away from you, only the body shell is still recognizable, but it is also rapidly and irreversibly changing. You are afraid of losing the last thread that connects you with the past, childhood, youth, you are afraid of losing love. But you can’t give your parents back the life they once gave us. You can only pass it on.”