Adopting a foster child is not only a noble act, but also a serious test for parents. How to deal with doubts and make the right decision?
“I have two sons (5 years old and 2 years old), my husband works all the time, I sit with the children. For several months now, the thought of taking a one-year-old girl from the orphanage has not gone out of my head. The husband agreed, but with caution. We agreed to first take the child under guardianship, then adopt. I collected all the documents, soon I have to go to the Orphanage to look at the girl, and I began to panic. I think about how difficult everything will be, about a passport, about how I will walk with two kids … I am also very afraid that someone will dissuade me, and I avoid such people. But maybe it’s an escape from myself, maybe I don’t really want this? How do I know if I’m ready to adopt a child? My heart breaks, one has only to think that because of my throwing, the girl is now suffering in an orphanage. Maybe we should first get to know her, and everything will fall into place? Julia, 26 years old
Lucy Mikaelyan, family therapist:
“It is absolutely natural to feel mental turmoil before a new, unknown and responsible step, which is adoption. Your throwing is caused by two differently directed forces: a feeling of guilt in front of the child (“my girl is now suffering in an orphanage”) and doubts about her own abilities. “Am I okay? Can I love someone else’s child like my own? How will the family accept a child from an orphanage? How will my decision affect family relationships? Questions like these naturally arise in people in your situation. This expresses an understanding of the seriousness of the planned step, a realistic and responsible approach to taking a child from an orphanage into the family.
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Now you need support. But, judging by your letter, there are people in your environment who did not approve of your decision. No wonder: in our country there are very few parents who would decide to take a child from an orphanage when the family already has two children of their own. Unlike, for example, the United States, where there are significantly more adoptive and adoptive parents. There are organizations where such families share experiences, get help in difficult situations and support each other. We have similar ones: in Moscow, I can recommend the Children of Mary center. They help orphans and will not refuse you warmth and practical advice.
In your situation, mutual understanding and frank communication with your husband is very important. Although the initiator of the decision is you, it is still a common one, and perhaps now your husband is also not easy. Mutual support can give you both strength and confidence, unite you and make you successful parents for all three children.