Breakups always hurt. But in addition to pain, it brings a positive experience. “What was all this for?” – Asking ourselves this question, we can always find a positive side in the experience gained.
“After the breakup, I returned to my parents, to the town where I had not lived since I was 17. Found a job. I don’t have depression, and I try to lead an interesting, full life as much as possible, but I still feel very lonely. In the evenings, there is no one to walk with. I’m not bored with myself, but it’s like I’m in a vacuum. Against the backdrop of all these changes, my self-esteem fell, I became very suspicious. I suspect all my friends that they want to hook me, consider me a loser. I constantly compare myself with others, and, as a rule, not in my favor. It seems that no part of my life deserves approval and does not satisfy me: neither work, nor place of residence, nor appearance. Now I envy a lot, both acquaintances and strangers. This was not the case before. Previously, I was far from always happy, but I always remained cheerful, self-sufficient, and benevolent. I had enough for everyone, and at a minimum I experienced anger, irritability, anger, resentment. All these feelings I now experience in abundance every day.
Anna, 24 of the year
Read more:
- Be able to put up
Larisa Kharlanova, psychoanalyst:
“It is likely that after the breakup of a relationship, you could experience depression, recover, see off a stage of life that has gone into the past and the person with whom you broke up. Depression is aggression directed at oneself. Your energy is now enough for aggression directed outward. These are just two sides of the same coin, caused by dissatisfaction, disappointment, and a drop in constructive energy. We can say that the current state is a “payment” for avoiding a depressive state. Returning to your parental home a few years later after some setback creates such an atmosphere around you that you feel not only your own disappointment, but, perhaps, the disappointment of your parents, although they probably do not express anything negative. You have friends – you just need to remind yourself more often that friends in 99% do not want to tease and hurt us, but just communicate. Think about what experience you have gained since you left your parental home, what has changed in you, what have you learned? What kind of relationship was it that you are taking the breakup so hard? What experience did you bring besides the negative one (breakup is always painful)? I ask this question like this: “What was all this for?” ‒ and there is always at least one very positive feature of the acquired experience. If you find an opportunity, work with a psychologist.