Many of us are looking for a path to a lost paradise or a wizard to help us find it. But no matter how beckoning this path, it takes us too far from reality and does not allow us to enjoy the present moment.
“For as long as I can remember, I’ve been trying to find / return something all the time. It’s like I can’t deal with the fact that I’m living in this world. I have been to different cities and countries in search of a place where I would be comfortable, but I did not find it. My relationships with men do not add up because of the expectation of “the very one” who is “destined from above” to me (I directly physically feel what he is). I almost manage to sometimes convince myself that all these squeaks and expectations are just an attempt to return to the bosom of the mother (I was born prematurely). But as soon as some beautiful folk song sounds, or a tear-jerking story of happy love catches your eye, everything returns to normal: a vague longing for something or someone, expectations and hopes … I already had a child, and I still can’t settle down and start looking for a normal man who would become a father to a child, and already stop dreaming about an ideal (for the soul) place of residence … “
Elena, 30 years old
Read more:
- “Love Must Move Forward”
Konstantin Slepak, psychotherapist, psychoanalyst:
“Thank you for the letter, it reminded me that many people, including myself, are looking for something supposedly lost, a path to a lost paradise or a wizard who will help find this paradise. Unfortunately, such thoughts take us too far from reality. The need for heaven or a magician is of an archetypal nature, so it is, to one degree or another, characteristic of all people. But there is the archetypal world and there is the world of reality, everyday life, pragmatics, and we live in both worlds. To give preference to one of them is tantamount to the loss of the other, that is, the loss of half of life’s chances and opportunities. To fall in love with reality and to take root in it means to experience the trauma of rejection of powerful narcissistic fantasies associated with endless possibilities, omnipotent energies, magic and a sense of limitlessness of one’s own powers. It means to land and acknowledge your limitations, your weaknesses, and your inability to find a universal human paradise. Such a move may allow one to narrow the notion of universal happiness to one’s own happiness, to one’s “quiet” yet achievable paradise. (This paradise is sure to be shaken by discontent and tightness, but the earthly paradise is what it is.) To give up archetypal fantasies means to give reality a chance to offer its services, that is, to give a chance to men to be heard in their desire to share happiness with you, and to a city in which you live – to be recognized and worthy that you live in it. Last year, the Cogito Center publishing house published Dreams of Eden: In Search of the Good Magician by Jungian analyst James Hollis – I think with this book you can once again try to take a few steps towards reality. All the best to you on this journey.”