Leave to study (work) in another country (city). And to be all alone, without friends and relatives. What to do? For example, keep a diary. Or write a letter to yourself every day, and open it and re-read it all at once before the next vacation.
“After school, my parents sent me to study in another country, I didn’t want to go. I spent three months there, after which I returned home for the holidays, and now I understand that I will not be able to return there, but I must. Every day I wake up there with a terrible mood and “pain in my soul”, I often go without a mood, somewhere in my thoughts, and in my thoughts not about a good and bright future. Almost every day I have a headache. Sometimes I cry for nothing. Sometimes I try to drown out mental pain with physical pain (from an icy shower to minor cuts on the body). I am not a very sociable person, so it is difficult for me to make friends, although I understand that this is necessary, especially since my birthday is coming soon and I do not want to spend it alone. How to overcome yourself and your negative thoughts and actions? Zhenya, 18 years old
Ekaterina Mikhailova, psychotherapist:
“Of course, leaving home and finding yourself in a foreign country at your 18 years old can be difficult – it just seems like everyone dreams about it, in reality it happens differently. However, this situation usually does not cause such a severe reaction. There is something else here, Zhenya. Something happened either before your departure, or already in the “other country” itself. I will not guess what exactly happened, but I will try to base my impressions on the letter itself. Its main theme is “I can’t, but I have to”. It seems that you are always doing something through force, trying to fit into the system of expectations of your parents, who, of course, wish you well, but do not know you too deeply. “The child should study abroad!” (either to get married, or to enter a prestigious university here – it doesn’t matter; what matters is what exactly you should). What kind of child is not discussed. It is not considered important that the “child” left the house little, does not easily converge with people, does not effortlessly defend his rights and boundaries, hardly expresses emotions – he must, period. Of course, one way or another, everything will work out, but what torment is it worth!
Read more:
- “How can I decide to leave my mother”
It’s like you have to prove every day that you’re good enough for such a great option that other girls can only dream of. Since everything has already happened and you obviously do not have enough resources to radically change the situation, you are ready to retreat endlessly, more and more hiding in a corner. It seems to me, Zhenya, that part of the problem is that you cannot tell anyone what is happening to you. Those who treat you well may not understand you. Yes, you are generally not used to talking about your thoughts and feelings – perhaps this is not accepted in the family. Since close friends do not start up at once, you will have to go the other way – for example, keep a diary. Or write a letter to yourself every day, and open it and re-read it all at once before the next vacation. Whatever you feel, it is your right and your business, it is very important to learn how to pronounce real feelings, at least with yourself, at least in writing. At the very least, the headaches will go away. And ask if your educational institution has a psychological support service for students – in many Western universities this is a common thing. You just need to make sure that the consultation is confidential – neither the parents nor the administration should know what you say to the specialist. In the end, you can think about a domestic specialist, there is Skype! As for the birthday, you will have to think a little about the preparation so as not to spend it alone. While we are small, birthdays suit us. Adults arrange them for themselves, such is life. So your tasks for the next six months are to learn how to talk about emotions (not out loud yet) – and learn how to seek and receive minimal support and help.