Our dependence on the will and decisions of our parents at a young age can be very strong. Parents will be able to hear us if we try to hear them. Reach out to their best, “softer” sides by sharing dreams and experiences.
“I used to live as if in rose-colored glasses, I was a naive shy girl. With age, there was a misunderstanding on the part of my people … they began to forbid me to communicate with guys and girls of a non-my nation, since they supposedly had a bad effect on me. I was able to fight back at a young age and still hang out with my girlfriends to this day. But that’s not the worst. I’m a medical student, even though I didn’t want to go there. Now my mind seems to be clearing up… all the decisions that I had to make in my life were made by my parents… I stopped communicating with my dad, I myself don’t understand why I’m embarrassed by him … there is no trusting relationship with my mother … I can’t speak freely with her. All this suffocates me. I didn’t want to go to medical school as a gynecologist… I wanted to be a psychologist, help people, live freely.”
Leila, 19 years old
Larisa Kharlanova, psychologist, psychoanalyst:
“You will definitely be able to study psychology later, when you can make independent decisions and make sure that this is what you want. Now you are getting a good specialty and education, which you can always rely on, including in the work of a psychologist. You have well-formed desires, you have enough strength to defend your right to communicate with friends of a different nationality. I don’t see any problem with your “I”. Of course, just because of your age, you are not yet a fully formed person, but we change all our lives, this is a constant process. Your dependence on the will and decisions of your parents can be very strong. Maybe you will try to find an approach to your parents? Slowly start talking to your father: while you show your disrespect for him by not talking and being embarrassed by him, it is also difficult or impossible for him to see in you a person whose opinion he will take into account in important life decisions. He feels your attitude and suffers from it, even if you have never spoken directly about this. You have the best contact with your mother, I think you should express your dreams and wishes as often as possible, simply referring to her best side, the one that is able to understand you. After all, perhaps she was also married not of her choice, she can understand you, because she experienced the same suffering as you did. Parents will be able to hear you if you try to hear them and they see that you do not despise them, do not hate them. Address their “soft” sides. Communicate more with people who have started working, try to work yourself – to leave home, you have to stand on your feet.”