Question to the expert: “How can we help our five-year-old son?”

Ekaterina Mikhailova, psychotherapist:

“The mother-in-law told your son that he has a brother – once the husband had a relationship with a woman, a child was born, the mother-in-law communicates with them. You wanted to introduce the children later, when they grow up. Of course, your husband’s mother crossed the line, and your feelings are understandable. But the situation has clearly exacerbated many issues. You write that “the husband didn’t deal with his domineering mother”, that he allows himself to be used by “that woman”, and waved his hand at the experiences of your son with him (like yours). That is, you are angry with all the adult participants in the story and think that your son is suffering and needs help. Anna, the unknown brother is an abstraction for your boy, but the explosive atmosphere in the house is quite concrete. Dad is angry with grandmother, mom is angry with dad, you can’t understand anything – how can you not fall down here … You love your child and care about him. But you should not talk to him while you are in the mood in which you wrote us a letter, because children feel good about their mothers. To restore the boundaries of the family, it is important to be together, the three of us, and not just “deal with the mother-in-law.” Children need to feel the reliability, strength of the home where they grow up. Believe me, when you and your husband just joke or do something together – as usual, as always – it helps your son more than any “emergency measures”.