Contents
Man is so arranged – we do not like to stand out, we strive to mimic. Children and adolescents are especially afraid of being different from their peers. Children’s analyst Anna Skavitina explains that the value of each of us is in individuality and dissimilarity.
Olgerd, 11 years old
“I have one eye brown, the other green. And the name is unusual, everyone is always discussing it. How can I live so unlike anyone else?
Imagine, Olgerd, a store that sells T-shirts. All T-shirts have a house, and only one has a house, grass and sun. What do you think, which one will you pay attention to? Is it better or worse than others? Most people will decide that a house, grass and sun jersey is much more attractive because it is different from other identical ones. This shirt isn’t better or worse, it’s just not the same. The same is true for appearance.
You are different from most guys because you have eyes of different colors, and almost everyone pays attention to this bright feature of your appearance. And you know what, Olgerd, this is your zest, which does not allow you to merge with everyone else. This also applies to your unusual name: it is so rare in our area that it makes you downright unique.
Believe me, each person can find a zest. For example, someone has strikingly pale or dark skin, and someone has one leg longer than the other, or maybe a large mole. There are features that we have the power to change – to have an operation or insert colored lenses, but by disguising yourself as “everyone”, you lose your individuality.
It seems to you that everyone around is discussing your eyes, in fact, we think much more about our features
Any of us, growing up, begins to pay a lot of attention to how we look in the eyes of others. It seems to you that everyone around is only busy with what your eyes are discussing, but in fact, when we look at others, we think much more about our own features, obvious and hidden, than about someone else.
When a person manages to accept his characteristics – “yes, this is who I am – I really have an unusual name and multi-colored eyes,” other people pay less attention to them. The main thing is to ask yourself the question: who else am I, what else is important and valuable in me besides these bright features? And then the features will be on a par with other equally important and valuable characteristics.
About expert
Anna Skavitina is a Jungian analyst, a member of the International Association for Analytical Psychology (IAAP), a permanent expert of Psychologies.