What to do if the child masturbates? How natural is it? Is it necessary to be afraid of it? The answer of the children’s analyst Anna Skavitina.
“Good day! My 7 year old daughter (8 years old in two months) accidentally discovered masturbation using the shower. She told me about it calmly, of course, not knowing what “it is.” She calls it “tickle”. At first, I did not attach any importance to this: I thought that it happened by chance and she would forget about it. But she didn’t forget. Now every time (for a month now), going to the shower, she does this “tickle”. As far as I understand, she does not see anything strange in this, because she told me about it. I want to understand how safe it is for her in terms of health and mental development. I don’t want to scold her for this, I don’t want to hurt her, but I’m worried about her. Because now taking a shower for her is not for hygiene, but to satisfy herself. I don’t know if I should explain to my daughter what she is really doing, because she is only 7 years old and she does not know what sex and masturbation are.
I am worried about her health: I began to notice light discharge on my underwear, which, in my opinion, should not be at that age. I understand that, apparently, she is undergoing some kind of hormonal restructuring. Should I take her to the doctor, because we will have to tell the pediatrician what her daughter is doing. And I also want to add that I myself discovered shower masturbation at the same age, but I did not dare to tell anyone about it, because I thought that I would be punished for this and that this was only my own business. I worry if my daughter is too open and trusting … can her openness, her unwillingness to hide the intimate details of her life, do a disservice in the future? I really appreciate your help and response. Thank you in advance!”
Olesya, 28 years old
Read more:
- How to talk to children about sexuality?
Anna Skavitina, children’s analyst:
It looks like Olesya, you and your daughter have a very good trusting relationship, since she tells you so easily about what is happening to her.t. She still does not see anything terrible and bad in telling her mother about such intimate things. It is unlikely that your open and trusting girl will tell everything to everyone around, because at the age of 7, almost all children divide people into their own and not very their own and understand what you can talk about with whom. What she does is absolutely safe for health. Doctors and psychologists have been talking about this for a couple of centuries. And the fact that it can be dangerous to health is a prejudice that comes up with people who are not familiar with any scientific research. Moreover, this happened to you and it did not affect your health. From your 7 years until now, you still have a question – how normal was it. Since you did not have such a trusting relationship with your mother to discuss this with her, this unresolved issue was put aside and became relevant before the same thing began to happen with your daughter. You correctly say that you should not scold her, just if you scold her for this, you can injure her development. But you should talk to her and explain that what she does with her body is clearly pleasant and enjoyable for her, but people agreed that this is an intimate process, that is, this is something that you can do with yourself, something something that is important to you and should not be shown to anyone else, even to your mother. Therefore, you can do it when no one is present at the same time. And if you have questions about it, you can talk about it with your mother, ask. But girls at the age of 7 usually use the toilet and shower themselves, and no other adults are present or needed. When you were little, you yourself decided that what you do is your own business, and you decided it correctly. Now it is very important that your daughter understands that this is her own business. Whether she will do it or not and when is only her decision. If any discharge bothers you, you can take the girl to the doctor in order to relieve your anxiety. But this is unlikely to be due to masturbation and hormonal changes, usually light discharge at this age is normal, if there is concern, you should consult a doctor about discharge, not masturbation.