When parents divorce, children are left with the feeling that nothing good will ever happen to them again.
“Mom broke up with dad because of this man. I don’t want her to marry him. How can I tell her about it?” Sonya, 10 years old
Anna Skavitina, children’s analyst: “Dear Sonya, I understand how difficult it is for you now. You write that “you don’t want to live in the same apartment with a stranger.” And it seems to you that it was he who “quarreled with your family.” Sonya, when the parents part, the familiar home world disappears, and it’s hard to admit that the new person is not to blame. Mom and dad broke up for some reason of their own. It is primarily their decision. Usually in such situations, adults want to find someone who would help, support them during this difficult time. However, even if mom knew this man before, he is not responsible for the fact that your parents broke up. I know, you would like everything to be the same as before. But, unfortunately, children do not make decisions about the life of their parents – decisions always remain with adults..
Sonya, about everything that you think and feel, you can tell your mother. Probably, you are very worried and afraid – what if your mother will be offended by you? Or even worse – what if she leaves you too, since she was able to leave dad? But this is absolutely not true. Mom will always be your mom. And you will remain a daughter to your mother. And mom will always love you, no matter what you tell her. I think that dad will always remain your dad too. You don’t have to love your mom’s new husband, but it’s better if you try to befriend him. After all, your mother chose him, she likes him, which means that there is something good and interesting in him. I know it’s not easy, but sometimes it’s better to have two dads than none. At the very least, perhaps you will have another person who will take care of you, who will care about what is happening in your life.