To do as you (really) want – is it reasonable or not? Can the strength of desire be the criterion by which we make decisions?
“I love the films of Hayao Miyazaki and I thought about making myself a slit in the eyes like his heroines. But won’t I regret it later?
Selma, 23 years old
EKATERINA MIKHAILOVA, PSYCHOTHERAPIST:
“To start irreversible changes in appearance is a risky business and will not be understood by others. But it’s not the idea itself – “to change the shape of the eyes”, because you are interested in something else: to do it the way you want now – is it reasonable or not? Even the strongest desires are not eternal. A clothing brand, a plant, or the appearance of an idol – achieved, obtained, transformed, and what’s next? The process is more interesting than the result.
In youth, hobbies replace each other quickly. There is a sense in this alternation of desire, efforts to fulfill it, getting what you want and losing interest in the result: perseverance and the ability to wait are trained. But it’s also an experience. And he suggests that this cycle is a game model for achieving the goal. And a new one is sure to follow. The key word is “game”. Playing, we know that this is not forever; we give due to whims, but we do not expect constancy from them. Are you sure that in five years you will “adore” the same thing that you do today? So is it worth perpetuating your hobbies? – that’s the question. And I also remember the Chinese curse: “May all your innermost desires come true!” If you understand why this is a curse, then you already know how it is better not to act with your desires.