In the past few weeks, we have been hearing a lot about how what is happening provides us with a great opportunity to discover ourselves and learn new things. However, the current situation frightens and destabilizes many, and calls to treat self-isolation positively prevent them from doing the main thing – to admit their feelings. How do you learn how to do it anyway?
“By trying to present what is happening as a blessing, an opportunity to take your time and thereby find inner balance, we simultaneously deny many people the right to completely different emotions,” says coach and yoga teacher Indra Aimee Rai. “Our obsession with trying to stay positive at all costs leaves them no chance to acknowledge and express bitter feelings, without which it is impossible to reflect on this difficult experience.”
Those who are now experiencing anger, aggression, or a state of panic feel guilty that they cannot “pull themselves together” and simply enjoy the unexpected free time that has appeared. “I wake up and am afraid to open my eyes,” Olesya admits. “It’s hard for me because of the unknown, because of the uncertainty about what will happen to my work and income, whether it will be possible to protect my health. I can’t concentrate either on reading or on physical exercises – heavy thoughts are spinning in my head. When I call my friends and they tell me about the online training seminars and yoga classes that are currently taking place, I only feel worse.”
“Many people who are urged by the world around them not to lose a good mood are admitting this to therapists today,” comments psychologist Marina Myaus. “Those who fail to do so experience even more stress.”
We begin to go to the other extreme and romanticize our confinement, refusing to admit that this is a real challenge to mental well-being. “What is happening in many people reveals long-standing childhood traumas, usually due to a lack of communication with a close and loving person,” says Indra Aimee Rai. – The fact of isolation turns out to be the trigger of childhood experiences, when we could feel left and defenseless in the same way. Most live with the trauma without being aware of it and only deal with the inevitable symptoms: addictions, depression, low self-confidence, increased anxiety.”
Nobody does better or worse. We all have the right to feel – and this is our way to get through a difficult time.
However, in a daily life full of social contacts, work and meeting friends, we have learned to cope and suppress our feelings and emotions. This well explains why it is so difficult for many of us to relax when left alone, and we are constantly trying to keep ourselves busy.
“On the one hand, the opportunity to stop and face our experiences that we have been running from for so long seems to be useful,” Rai says. On the other hand, right now, when we are deprived of any outside support, and self-isolation turns out to be additional stress, this is not the best moment for such deep insights.
Only those who have already had a similar experience can use the time for meditation and breathing exercises for their own benefit. As a yoga teacher, I am well aware of the benefits of movement. However, I would venture to suggest that most people will not be able to focus on the practice of meditation for a couple of minutes now. Our nervous system is in overdrive. Even just by closing your eyes, you run the risk of causing a panic attack, a return to difficult memories and associations.
Of course, we will learn a lot from this period. Someone will learn to be grateful to life for those little things that they did not appreciate before. Someone will remember with warmth the experience of communicating with loved ones. However, for many, this is a serious internal crisis from which to get out. “Of course, any experience is important,” says Marina Myaus. It’s good that you’re enjoying your break from work. It’s great that you enjoy devoting yourself to the home or educating yourself. However, it is also natural that it is difficult for you to get out of bed, you experience weakness and apathy. None of us is a loser or a winner in this situation. Nobody does better or worse. We all have the right to feel – and this is our way to get through a difficult time.
If we manage to support each other right now, this will be the road to healing.