Pussy Riot. Direct speech

“Many things are unfair, for example, the attitude towards a woman: patriarchy reigns in our society, men dominate. I’ve been thinking about this since high school. And as a student, I participated in the census as a volunteer: we went from apartment to apartment, and I saw a lot of people, their everyday life, often poor, devoid of joy. Then for the first time I seriously wanted to do something to change their lives. Irony of fate: I was a volunteer in the Pechatniki district, where SIZO-6 is located, where I was kept after my arrest. At the institute, I read a lot, watched films, went to opposition rallies and tried to comprehend all this. Then she worked as a programmer. At first, it seemed interesting to me how my colleagues spend their time: in the evening they all went to drink beer together, and on Fridays they went to a strip bar. But a year later it began to look pointless, I wanted to live differently, to do something useful for myself and for others.

We lived together with my father — my mother died in 2001. He didn’t like my ideas or my friends. Now I think that maybe he was offended that I did not tell anything about my hobbies. We belong to different generations. He was born and raised in the Soviet Union with its repressive teaching methods, habit of totalitarianism and the feeling that nothing can be changed, it’s not worth trying. And I wanted change. I could not help but see that the policy of the authorities was leading to the return of the order in which my father grew up, and I rebelled against it. People of my generation do not want to be fanatics and are not ready to believe in the ideas that they are trying to impose on us. Among them, I found like-minded people, those who shared my views and helped express them. I switched to freelance work, I have more time for creativity. I wanted to embody my ideas, primarily the ideas of feminism. I am convinced that it is impossible to drive a person into the framework that is imposed on him from the outside. Whether it is biological or passport data, it is not they that are important, but how a person manifests himself. I did not aspire to politics, but I understood that in our society even pure art can turn out to be politics. In the case of the women’s group Pussy Riot we created, it is impossible and unnecessary to distinguish between the political and the artistic. We made up the name of the group from two sharply contrasting words. The first means the attitude towards women in a culture that insists on a clear division into two sexes: it is something soft, supple, always inferior to the masculine. The second word is our response to this attitude: rebellion, a powerful protest action against sexist stereotypes. In Russia, this is more than relevant. We came up with stage costumes for ourselves — bright dresses and tights, multi-colored balaclavas. They covered our faces and hair, hiding our individuality and emphasizing the image.

• Three girls and a secret door

We are often accused of wanting to «promote», but we have never flaunted ourselves. We wanted all the attention to be directed not to us, but to what we do. I am rather a shy person, I was attracted not by publicity, but by the opportunity to express my ideas. And yet — the need in a matter of seconds to climb or run where you need to, get and connect the necessary equipment and do everything clearly. It was a real challenge, we often performed in a stressful situation. If everything worked out, the joy from this was very strong.

It seems to some that our performances run counter to public morality. Perhaps we acted contrary to morality — but in accordance with our conscience. At the same time, we have never been indifferent to the feelings of those to whom we addressed. We have always tried to take them into account. And I think we’ve always succeeded. Including in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior. We knew that women were not allowed to enter the altar — even the Mother of God could not have entered there! And on the pulpit we saw women more than once and therefore did not think that this would offend anyone. This action turned out to be the most successful — we did what we were striving for: Pussy Riot gave others a reason to think about the status of women and what awaits all of us in a country where a secular state appropriates church aesthetics. We have clearly shown that Orthodoxy is not the property of the authorities and that permission is not needed for prayer, no one can tell us what to pray for. With our speech, we destroyed the myth of the unity of power and the church.

All our actions were dangerous. For us, because in our country any oppositional activity, including creative ones, is dangerous. But for the authorities too, it was evident from their reaction. And this is a sign that we are on the right path, our creativity touches the problems so strongly guarded by the state power.

“People in uniform” always presented me with a pseudonym, but I understood that they could arrest me under a false name. This is what happened on March 15th. I was detained along with Nadya and Masha on March 3, but then they released me, although they called me in for questioning several times. My real name was not known, and if I had gone into hiding, I would most likely have been able to go abroad. Two girls from our group did just that. I’m glad they made that choice and are now hopefully safe. But I couldn’t hide, although I didn’t want to go to jail. I just could not imagine that I would leave, disappear — that would mean that I would be silent, but we wanted to be heard … On March 15, I had lunch in a cafe with my lawyer Violetta Volkova, and she warned that, most likely, I would be arrested today . I asked her to let her father know when it happened. After the arrest, he was horrified by what was happening and was very worried about me. The investigators, apparently, told him that if I change the lawyer for another, whom they indicate, he will persuade me to repent, and then they will let me out. My father tried to convince me to do this and was angry that I refused. But then he understood why I did this. He read a lot what was written about our case, and finally figured out what was happening and stopped judging me. He took our side. Now I feel that my father is a truly close person to me. And I can talk to him more frankly than ever before. We are really one family, we are together.

Even if I knew in advance where participation in the group, performance in the temple would lead me, I would repeat this path. I don’t regret what I did. And I consider my girlfriends educated, thinking and courageous people. It seems to me that now many have understood that our performance was neither hooliganism nor an attempt to outrageous. Even those who are against us think about the reasons that prompted us to do this.

After the arrest, it was not easy, first of all physically, because sometimes we did not sleep and did not eat, we were not allowed to go to the toilet. We got acquainted with the case in the courtroom and could not read from fatigue, everything blurred before our eyes. Prison for me is a cruel, difficult, but also an important experience — there will be something to remember in the future! The hardest thing to get used to is that here the prisoners are treated like mechanical machines for the execution of orders, as if we were deprived of human dignity. But it’s not. We have dignity, we have convictions. And it really supports me. My views are not random, they have developed over time, and in difficult moments they help me to hold on. Sometimes I even surprise myself with this — I have more strength than I expected.