Disobedience, caprice, insolence, cries… it is sometimes necessary to resort to punishment to succeed in being heard. Update on the punishment of children.

Punishment: just the word thrills, and not just children. It opens up an imagination of spankings and corporal punishment and recalls the reign of blind obedience, education the hard way. As a result, many parents today feel guilty about punishing their children. The first argument put forward is that they fear to traumatize them forever. Child psychology is a key educational component these days.

However, punishing his child necessarily gives rise to frustration in him which he will then evacuate in the form of aggression. To avoid these situations, some parents refuse to punish their children, preferring dialogue and conviction. However, these are not always effective measures. We must therefore try to find the right balance between deploying sufficient authority to gain respect and maintaining a loving and empathetic bond with the child.

The education of a child is based on a system of rules which must be clearly established. Through them, the child knows how to distinguish between what is authorized and what is prohibited. Punishment serves to reaffirm the rule, because a rule only exists if there is a sanction for breaking it. For this to be clear, the words used by parents must be unambiguous. Thus, you must use strong verbs, like “forbid”, “require”, “must”.

It is also essential to have a coherent attitude: do not smile when you announce a punishment, under penalty of losing all credibility and confusing the interpretation of the event by the child. Thus, you succeed in being perfectly clear and fair, the transgression of the rule will necessarily lead to a punishment, without your having a case of conscience. For the child, this is also structuring given that he needs limits.

Punishments are necessary for effective and intelligent education. Indeed, multiplying the threats of punishment without implementing them sends the wrong message to your child: he can do what he wants. Nonetheless, it is important to choose a punishment that is not only appropriate in terms of responding to the transgression, but above all that gives him the responsibility to redeem himself. Thus, if your child refuses to tidy up his room despite your insistence, warn him that he will have to tidy up both his room but also the living room if he continues. He is therefore free to choose and knows the consequences.

Regarding the calibration of the punishment, it is obviously necessary to take into account the degree of the committed fault. This is because you won’t repress a delay, an insult, or a big lie the same way, because the severity scale just isn’t the same. The response to punishment expresses to the child the hierarchy of values ​​set by the parents. You must therefore consult with parents to define what, in your eyes, is the most serious.

How to punish your child? This is a recurring question, which should be thought about differently depending on the age. Deprivation is always effective; it can relate to an outing, a cartoon, access to the computer or pocket money for example. Be careful, however, not to create desire because of a prohibition. For example, the fact of depriving a cartoon child can indeed sanctify television. Likewise, punishing a teenager by asking him to do household chores (washing dishes, vacuuming, mowing the lawn, etc.) will create a relationship of disgust with them; the child will then associate household chores with punishment and will have even less desire to participate in everyday life.

Finally, remember that the spanking and other corporal punishment is nonsense. In addition to being legally and morally reprehensible, they trivialize violence and the child will be more apt to reproduce this behavior with his comrades. In addition, these are admissions of weakness: the parents failed to control themselves and to resolve the situation otherwise. Corporal punishment humiliates children and is ineffective: there is nothing to remember but fear and pain.

If punishment is an integral part of the educational process, it needs to be thought through so that it is effective. Remember to be measured and calm in the event of conflict or opposition with your children. Good communication is essential because punishing your child remains a solution of last resort.