Why, even after reconciliation, do we sometimes continue to be angry with the offender? We may not feel that justice has been done.
Psychologists from the University of Adelaide (Australia) came to an unexpected conclusion: by punishing someone who did bad things to us (by refusing to communicate with him, for example), we … begin to treat him better. “Resentment arises from our sense of vulnerability,” explains psychologist Peter Sterlan, author of the study. “When we make the other feel vulnerable by our rejection, we kind of even the score.”* At the same time, it is important not to forget that the purpose of punishment is to preserve relationships, not destroy them.
* Published on the University of Adelaide website, adelaide.edu.au
See also:
- Why are we afraid of rejection?
- “Experience the joy of conflict resolution”
- Conflict as filling a void