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“Drop everything and go nowhere” is a common fantasy of employees who are tired of suffering from overtime or a toxic team. In addition, the idea is actively promoted in popular culture that only by “slamming the door” can one become free – and therefore happy. But is it really worth giving in to the impulse?
Finally Friday! Are you driving to work in a bad mood, and then you can’t wait for the evening? Arguing with colleagues and mentally writing a letter of resignation a thousand times a day?
“Discomfort, anger, irritation – all these emotions tell us that some of our important needs are not being met, although we may not even realize it,” explains psychologist and coach Cecily Horshman-Bratwaite.
In this case, the idea of quitting “nowhere” may seem damn tempting, but such daydreams often only make it difficult to see reality. Therefore, experts suggest looking at the situation with an open mind and directing your righteous anger in a constructive direction.
1. Identify the source of negative emotions
Before you follow the lead of such a powerful and, to be honest, sometimes destructive emotion like anger, it would be useful to figure out: what causes it? For many, this step is not easy: we were taught from childhood that anger, rage are “unacceptable” feelings, which means that if we experience them, the problem is allegedly in us, and not in the situation.
However, you should not suppress emotions, Horshman-Bratwaite is sure: “After all, your anger may have quite good reasons: you are underpaid compared to colleagues or forced to stay in the office late and do not get time off for working.”
To understand this properly, the expert advises keeping a journal of thoughts and emotions related to work – perhaps an analysis of what was written will tell you some solution.
2. Talk to someone who can help you look at the situation from the outside.
Because anger clouds our minds and prevents us from thinking clearly, it’s helpful to talk to someone outside of your job—ideally a professional coach or psychologist.
It may turn out that it really is a toxic work environment that cannot be changed. But it may also turn out that you yourself do not clearly indicate your position or defend the boundaries.
Psychologist and career coach Lisa Orbe-Austin reminds you that you don’t have to take everything a specialist tells you on faith, but you can and even need to ask him for advice on what to do next, what step to take so as not to harm your career.
“It’s important to remind yourself that even if your work life doesn’t feel right to you right now, it doesn’t have to be like this forever. The main thing is to plan your future, think strategically and consider different possibilities, ”says Orbe-Austin.
3. Make Useful Connections, Don’t Overuse Complaining
If you are determined to move on, networking, building a network of social connections is an absolutely necessary step.
But when meeting with potential colleagues, partners, and employers, don’t let your current state determine what you and your work history will look like in their eyes.
Your task is to show yourself from the best side, and an employee who is always complaining about fate, bosses and industry is unlikely to be of interest to anyone.
4. Take a break and take care of your health
If you have the opportunity, take a vacation and take care of your health – both physical and mental. When dealing with anger becomes increasingly difficult, Lisa Orbe-Austin advises working through your feelings with a specialist – a psychologist or psychotherapist.
Check: maybe a few sessions with an expert are even covered by your insurance. “The problem is that even if you quit right now, the anger and rage just won’t subside,” explains the psychologist.
“It is vital for you to get your own mental state in order so that you can move on. And it’s better to do it while you have a source of constant income in the form of your current job.”
5. Plan ahead—or prepare for the consequences of impulsive quitting
Movies and TV series teach us that a sudden layoff can be a real liberation, but few people talk about the possible long-term consequences – including career and reputational ones.
However, if you still understand that there is no more strength to endure, get ready, at a minimum, for the fact that colleagues can start gossip behind your back – they don’t know what was behind your decision, which means they will condemn you for “unprofessionalism “(“Leave the company at this hour! And what will happen to the customers?!”).
But, one way or another, what certainly should not be done is to wait for the situation to resolve itself. Yes, perhaps a new adequate boss will come to your team, or you will be transferred to another department. But relying only on this and doing nothing is an infantile approach.
Better be proactive: calculate next steps, build a network of professional acquaintances, update your resume and view vacancies. Try to do everything that depends on you.