Psychotherapy: 10 important lessons

1. You don’t always have to be “okay”

“Happiness is not a destination, but the path itself, and this path is thorny. It was only through therapy that I realized what those words really meant. And she finally acknowledged that sometimes experiencing “negative” emotions is normal. Sadness and anger can be quite appropriate in certain situations, and I do not have to hide or suppress them at all, ”says 32-year-old Lisa.

She also admits that the therapist taught her to notice her feelings in time and “allow” them to herself, and this gave the girl “incredible freedom.”

2. It is important to trust yourself

“Before coming into therapy, I often doubted the decisions I made. Everyone thought – maybe I should have done differently? And what would happen if… But my psychologist taught me to trust myself,” says 40-year-old Anna. – Now, if I have a difficult choice in front of me, I try to listen to myself, understand what I really want, what will be best for me, and take the necessary step. And when I do, I don’t wonder if I did the right thing.”

3. And accept that you will make mistakes.

“To be honest, I used to be literally obsessed with the idea of ​​becoming a“ better version of myself ”. He was a real perfectionist, tried to achieve perfection in everything, and if it didn’t work out, he got upset and reproached himself. Or he didn’t start doing something at all, fearing failure, – recalls Alexander, 33 years old. – In my case, such an attitude comes from childhood: the maximum praise that I heard from my parents: “Not bad, but you can do better.”

Therapy taught me acceptance. Now I understand that I have flaws and I will never be “perfect”. And mistakes were, are and will be – and this is normal. This is part of development and growth. But the fear of mistakes no longer holds me back: I just analyze what didn’t work out, take it as a lesson, a hint, and move on.”

4. Don’t Pay Attention to What Doesn’t Really Matter

“We all sometimes get pissed off that “someone is wrong on the internet”. Or the fact that others act rashly, rush to conclusions or share unverified information, says 47-year-old Veronica. – Once upon a time, I was like that: I got turned on for any reason. But the psychologist reminded me that life is too short to spend it judging and trying to “re-educate” others. It is better to direct the focus of attention to ourselves and to what is within our control.”

5. Ask yourself the right questions more often

“Especially “why” and “what for”. Now, if I’m upset, upset, angry, or frustrated about something, I ask myself why I’m actually feeling these feelings, what exactly pissed me off. It helps me get to know myself better,” admits 25-year-old Karina.

6. Every day should start with a smile.

“From the moment I entered therapy, the morning is the most important time of the day for me,” shares Sonya, 31. I know how to set myself the right mood for the whole day. I consciously try to notice the good around, smile at passers-by, look into the eyes of the people I meet. And the world begins to answer me the same – kindness and a smile.

7. It’s Important to Take Your Happiness Seriously

“Admit it, we usually have other priorities: work, relationships, obligations,” says 30-year-old Alice. – We usually treat ourselves and our condition with disdain: “I’ll think about it tomorrow.” Therapy taught me not to put off the question of my own happiness until later – and this, by the way, immediately affected all areas of my life. Of course, for the better!”

8. And remind yourself that taking care of yourself is not selfish.

“Honestly, it was not easy to come to this idea: I have three children, and constantly someone or something needs my attention. There was simply no time for myself before,” says Maria, 51 years old. – But it was exactly before the start of work with a psychologist. The specialist reminded me of the common metaphor of an oxygen mask, and I realized that, indeed, if I myself am fine, my children will be fine too. But if I don’t have resources and energy, it won’t lead to anything good.

Now, on the days when I have a session with a psychologist, the household knows that I should not be disturbed. This is my time, household chores and lessons can wait. In addition, I began to allow myself to get out somewhere – alone or with friends, which I had not done for many years. And it turned out that the world did not collapse from this!

9. It is important to understand your desires and act

“Do you know the saying that everyone is the blacksmith of his own happiness? I heard it many times – probably too many to really understand its meaning, – recalls 26-year-old Lera. – The psychologist helped me understand: until I myself decide on my desires and declare them, nothing will get off the ground.

Thanks to her, I learned to defend personal boundaries and talk to both a partner and superiors – for example, about a promotion. I finally began to appreciate myself, to understand that I deserve better, and not settle for less.

10. And pretend until you get it right

“It’s paradoxical, but true: the more I tell myself that I’m happy, the happier I become,” says 37-year-old Christina. – And this is not about self-deception and not about turning a blind eye to problems – I just learned to notice and appreciate the little things that make up our life. Now I am grateful to myself for everything that I have achieved, for the fact that I have a job and the opportunity to realize my desires, and to those around me for kindness and support.

At a minimum, the last piece of advice is worth taking into account: our reality consists of what we pay attention to, so is it worth it to continue to cycle on our problems and misfortunes?