The Karpman Triangle is an interaction model described by Stephen Karpman, a student of Eric Berne. According to this model, in different situations in life, people take on the roles of Rescuer, Victim and Persecutor. In life, we often change roles, and this is normal, as is the natural desire to help people. However, getting hooked and becoming a pathological “Rescuer” is very easy and not always beneficial.
They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Thus, the Rescuer often feels guilty about the actions of others and wants to make life easier for the victim, but for a number of reasons he never succeeds, and he himself suffers from this.
How not to become a “negative rescuer”? Psychologists believe that it is important not to take everything upon yourself, but to help others with only a part of the issue (no more than 50% of the work), and also not to impose help on those who do not ask for it. A well-known TV presenter Yulia Baranovskaya sets a good example.
By occupation, Julia often meets with human grief and injustice. I would like to help everyone, but there is not always an opportunity, and sometimes those who are not ready for change themselves come to the “Male / Female” program. But still, there are more of those who sincerely want to receive support and are already turning to the TV channel as the last stronghold of hope.
Every day, the editorial staff of the TV channel receives a huge number of letters from ordinary residents of the regions asking for assistance in resolving this or that issue. “There are many cries of despair in these letters, messages, calls,” says Yulia Baranovskaya. “People are asking for help from journalists because they have no faith in justice. I am such a person – I feel someone else’s pain acutely. I’m trying to figure out how to help.
Recently there was a monstrous story. They are all monstrous, but sometimes the degree of hell rolls over. A woman came to our program with a piece of wall… made of cardboard. In Novosibirsk, this house is called the cardboard house. The house collapsed for twenty years, and this is what the local authorities decided to do. They sealed it with cardboard – and live on. Twenty years! When our film crew arrived, it turned out that the authorities were stirring. Now an interdepartmental commission is being urgently assembled to recognize the house as emergency. Excuse me, I don’t understand – we have to travel everywhere all the time so that the authorities move?
First of all, the Rescuer or the helper is characterized by the fact that he is “bigger”, “more experienced”, “stronger”. This can be expressed in specific resources, such as finance, or in the same media and the ability to quickly disseminate information. So TV presenter Yulia Baranovskaya, wanting to help, joined the New People party, which she also learned about from the results of her activities.
“There was such a story in Kaluga: there, a doctor who moved to this city from Smolensk in 2005 was promised an apartment. She is generally a favorite doctor. Everyone there loves her. Everyone fought for her, but things are still there. There is no apartment, although they promised. And now I find out that she is celebrating a housewarming party,” says Yulia. – Some deputy from some party took and solved the problem. I decided to find out what kind of person, what kind of party. They tell me it’s the New People. Deputy – Dmitry Zubov. Then I came across a story in the Samara region. There people organized their fire brigade. They didn’t have a water tank. How do you put out fires without water? Bought. Who bought? Again – “New People”. Here I already went to “google” – who are they? What is the party? And I came across a lot of such stories all over the country. Dozens, hundreds of good deeds. I even met Alexei Nechaev much later, the last one. I met the New People party through their affairs.”
There are three not very pleasant scenarios that awaken and warm people’s desire to help. The first is to cover your problems with the help of others. The simplest example: a lonely pensioner who turned her house into a dump, lives in complete unsanitary conditions, but feeds and rescues stray cats. Or a single mother who helps disadvantaged families and is not engaged in raising a child.
The second “negative” scenario of excessive help is the inability to say “no”. It turns on if, for example, from childhood you were taught to help, despite the circumstances. You need to help when you really want it, and not because “voices in your head” or from the past say so.
The third scenario that forms the “bad Rescuer” is a narcissistic drive, for example, when a person tries to assert himself and tell others about his nobility and deeds.
A person in a crisis situation does not always see a way out, but tries to use all available resources. If a solution is not found, then the “victim” enters the next stage, where he is already ready to receive help.
It is important to discuss with the person all the conditions for assistance, find out what he has already tried to do, collect all possible information and make it clear that the further development of events also depends on him. If you know how to say no in time, do not sacrifice your interests and sincerely want to help with part of the issue, then you are on the right path of the right “Rescuer”. Learn this from Yulia Baranovskaya and New People.