Note: The dialogue is based on real conversations with practicing psychologists.
— You know, my Tanya is so delighted with the trainings! It just blossomed. So gentle has become, — winks.
— You know, you and Tanya have been together for a year, and I have known her since the institute. And you know, I noticed that something strange happens with our Tanya after these trainings. I had never heard her use foul language before. Did you pay attention to it?
— Don’t worry, it will pass! It’s like, how can I explain it to you, «growing pains». Tanya overcame some beliefs and limiting attitudes in herself, began to think more independently, and at the same time there are some “mistakes”.
— Are you saying that «speech without swearing» is a «limiting attitude»? Is mating a «mistake»?
“Speech without swearing is a cultural norm. But in terms of psychology — and a limiting attitude, too. The ban on certain words was instilled in us in childhood by parents and educators and was perceived by us uncritically. Any prohibition restricts a person, agree? Sometimes you need to gu.e. swear, but Tanya could not do this — the ban did not allow. In communication with the interlocutor, whom no prohibitions hold back, psychological tension accumulated inside her. When there are many prohibitions: “do not drink!”, “do not smoke!”, “do not swear!”, “do not flaunt the intimate parts of the body!”, “do not pick your nose!” — a person is all tense from the inside, this can lead to psychological trauma.
«You don’t mean it’s worth doing, do you?!»
— I mean that a person must free himself from the prohibitions imposed on him, and then consciously accept the rules of culture for himself. The ban must be lifted. And then either accepted consciously or discarded as an anachronism …
— Archaism.
— What?
— You wanted to say archaism, not anachronism, however, that’s not the point, please continue …
— Ah, well, yes. Conscious choice! It should be a conscious choice of a person. A person should think with his head: should he drink, smoke, use foul language. Thinking is always good!
— And if a person, after weighing all the pros and cons, decides that the ban on swearing is stupid? He does not need it, because, for example, it prevents him from pushing his position in the dispute. As a result, he will refuse it, and you will not condemn such a person?
It’s his conscious choice. And then — (condescendingly) I have not condemned anyone for a long time. Because NO ONE owes anyone anything.
— And you will still communicate with such a person?
“You speak very abstractly. Each case is individual. You are generally inclined to demagogy, I noticed this a long time ago!
Demagogue, that is. Specificity is needed. I remember when we went to the park, you started talking about your boss. Sergei Petrovich, right? He talked about a feature of his speech that is very amusing to you: whenever he is nervous in a conversation, he begins to pause, as if he is saying something to himself.
— Sergey Palych. But yes. He still sometimes slips something like “japonamama” and “hit-hit”. He talks funny when he’s angry.
“Will it still be funny if he starts swearing at your entire department with a good three-story obscenity at the top of his voice?” Although it will motivate you, at first, it will be stronger.
— (coughs and prepares to give a lecture) You and I understand that in some contexts and situations, the use of obscenities is quite justified. Even very cultured and developed people do not avoid strong expressions in their speech. It decorates the language, enriches our vocabulary, gives incredible shades of our speech. Someone loves music, and someone loves swear music. Speaking of the boss. So, the use of a mat for him is a signal that he is among his own. Confidence indicator! There is another. When people swear in their hearts, in a fit of strong emotion — this is an extreme degree of tension, a sign of an ecstatic, strong experience!
— Well, well, well, okay … Listen, (ironically) Mr. Psychologist, after all, it’s not worth removing any prohibitions, but taboos are not myths for you after all, to debunk them? After all, there is morality, and religious people have ten commandments!
— If not all, then the more we shoot, the better! It just might take a long time. Personally, I removed all taboos for myself.
— All?! You’re kidding! After all, you can’t, for example … beat women?
— Oh, I lifted this ban first! This is a common misconception. Of course, I do not attack women with my fists, but if necessary, easily, without internal doubts and remorse, I can hit a woman. And in each case, it will be my conscious choice.
(There was a surprised pause, then the interlocutor was found)
What about killing children? Beating pregnant women with boots in the stomach? Is there a human?
— (with pride in his voice) I don’t have ANY taboos. If a child threatens my life and the lives of my loved ones, I will kill him without mercy. Well… and if… imagine, for example, aliens have arrived and set a condition: either you kick this pregnant woman in the stomach, or they will destroy all of humanity!
— (shocked) Are you serious? .. about aliens? Well, what about «there are people»? ..
“Personally, I don’t blame cannibals. Moreover, for myself, I fully admit the possibility, under certain circumstances, to feast on human flesh. For example, hunger… Not for your own salvation, don’t think! But if I have to save my beloved, my children, then I …
— (interrupts) Then you will catch the girl next door, whose parents died anyway! Why breed orphanhood?! She doesn’t care to die, but you, your beloved and your children will be saved!
Would it be better if we all died? You value little human life!
— I?! Do I value human life a little?.. Hmm. (thinking for a minute) You know, I understood everything, you helped me a lot. I just took the blinders off my eyes. Answer me a question, please: why can’t soap be made from psychologists?
— What «Why? From psychologists… what???… to cook?
— Soap, (repeats just in case) Make soap. Why not?
— (not understanding the abrupt change of topic) Why?
— From psychologists, excellent soap. Soap can be sold. Who will actually stop me? Police? She’s not here. Law? What if I’m a legislator myself? Also, the law can be circumvented. Bribe. Deceive. Do I need psychologists? No. I need soap. Let’s say I’m rational and burdened with ethics, I need to somehow justify to myself that you can make soap out of psychologists. Hire a psychologist. He will substantiate. And then I’ll make soap out of it too. And what? Do I need him? Not anymore. And soap is always needed.
(laughs) Good joke!
— Excellent. (Glance grows dull) You know, I always thought that psychology was «nice female entertainment,» empty talk.
— (interrupts) And in vain! It’s very, very practical! I will brag: recently I managed to help a big person, to remove the feeling of guilt. Now he is no longer shy about taking bribes. Triple your income!
— (thoughtfully) Even so?.. Practice means… Helping people! You are socially more dangerous than any repeat offender! What can stop me now, when we are alone in the park, to hit you on the head and dig under a bush? (picks up a piece of rebar from the ground)
— Yes you that?! Think about it! You are crazy! You are my friend. You are my friend! Hello, what are you?!
— I thought. No ethical prohibitions stop me anymore. And I like Tanya from the institute, I will console her later, give her soap, rub her back … Don’t be upset … This is now my conscious choice!
The original article ends with links to real psychological centers that offer trainings for complete emancipation and removal of any taboos and social restrictions. I hope you will understand us if we do not give these links so as not to advertise these psychological centers. The editors of the Psychologos do not believe that liberation from all prohibitions is the norm in psychotherapeutic work, and considers it necessary to remember social responsibility.