In a crisis situation, the mechanisms that are embedded in us by evolution work. But if you blindly follow them, there is a risk of losing control over your own life, quarreling with loved ones and increasing hostility in society. What you should pay attention to, psychologist Marina Baskakova warns.
Global changes and conflicts give rise to many disputes on the network. Sitting at home in front of the monitor, people easily throw accusations. And they often sound like this: “You Russians… you Ukrainians… you Kazakhs… you Americans… you British… you intellectuals… you therapists… you deep people…” And all these are dangerous generalizations, Gestalt notes. and trauma therapist Marina Baskakova.
“For many years I have been engaged in psychotherapy, its various types, including the therapy of traumas that have been with us since very early childhood. And there is one very important thing that I learned and see how it works.
Everyone knows this and lies on the surface: it is important to address a person by name
That is, address him personally — do not generalize, do not glue him with anything, do not say “you are such and such”, but say “you are Masha (Petya, Yura, Alena, Svetlana, Milana, Dmitro, John, Patrick and so on )». And then, at the time of the accusation, it will be possible either to see that it is not addressed to this particular person, the psychologist emphasizes.
Then you can be given the opportunity to say, including to yourself, so as not to fall into terrible confusion and impotence: “I did not participate” or “Yes, I participated”, “I am not the one to whom you send these accusations”, but “I am the one who did what was in my personal power … or did not.
A lot of what is happening now is aimed at ensuring that those who are at least in relative physical safety are still divided, split, create enmity, create death, the expert believes. “Calling each other by their first names, addressing only personally, not generalizing, not leaking is an important way to remain human.”
It is an opportunity to take personal responsibility or to defend oneself, to explain oneself, to remain sane and in contact with each other.
It is also an opportunity to keep your feelings, strong and unpleasant or otherwise, and not fall into the trap of violence over each other. Then those who benefit from splitting and disunity will not be able to manage, using it to their advantage.
It’s not easy, says the expert. We have an evolutionarily justified animal mechanism of dividing into “us/them”. But it is the ability to overcome such instincts that ultimately makes us human.